This morning I had my intake assessment with RI International. RI is providing case management services for me while I’m in recovery. They have helped me out tremendously thus far. Next week they will be getting me approval for access to the local clothing bank among other things. But I digress, the intake did not go well for me. I basically had to revisit the verbal and psychological abuse and trauma that I’ve suffered from the time I was 13 up until the present day.
I realize all of this is necessary to help formulate a long term treatment plan so I went into as much detail as I could remember and even muster. I felt myself beginning to cry because it’s painful to go over these things. People can be really cruel to reach other. My father, my peers, and my teachers did some really awful things that I had to revisit.
I am now just back to feeling at baseline which is to say that I am feeling nothing, just physiologically exhausted. I write this as a brain dump to simply stop the thoughts from circling endlessly in my head. I simply want to stop ruminating over a past that, barring a sudden discovery of time travel, cannot be changed. Now I am going to lay me down to sleep for a nap and then meditation. I want some spiritual wellness today.