This morning I am in a reflective mood and am looking back on the 43rd year of my life and it was easily the worst year of my life as I was hospitalized three times for mental health issues. Then after I was released in the first week of January of this year, I attended a partial hospitalization program. The partial program was the beginning of the improvement. I was started on a good medication and began to really improve. At least I was not the only one to have a year that was simply epic in its toughness.
I am sitting in my booth at IHOP, drinking my coffee, redeeming my free birthday pancakes and writing on my blog. The simplicity of this is actually very nice. The past week had its ups and downs. I have a huge amount of stress off of my shoulders now that I know my housing situation is at least stable for the next several years. My greatest fear in life is actually homelessness because I would not last a day on the street. I feel gratitude for the State of Delaware’s SRAP program which provides significant rental assistance to vulnerable people like myself.
I am also looking at the year ahead and what I would like to do. I would like to establish some kind of routine for myself that gets me out of the house and makes me a little busier. Routine is healthy and human beings really need it to stay that way. I am looking at a few different things: possibly driving a shuttle bus for Christiana Hospital, becoming a Certified Peer Support Specialist, and volunteering to work with the cats at Brandywine Valley SPCA.
Regardless of what I end up doing, I truly believe that this year will be better. Some of what I choose to do routine-wise will be impacted by the need for maintenance electroconvulsive therapy and it looks like I might need that twice a month. ECT will impact my ability to work because after the induced seizure, I am exhausted and unable to work. ECT leaves me unable to concentrate on anything significant for about 24 hours. I should know about that on Tuesday. For now I am just going to enjoy the simplicity of the day and the increasing mental stability that I feel.