I am not doing well today. I am really suffering from depression and anxiety. I couldn’t really do much in the way of my online class as it just wasn’t happening. I found myself feeling sad and having no concentration whatsoever. I could not even must 5-10 minutes worth this morning. This afternoon I just feel really blah and worried about my future. I worry that Social Security will deny my expedited reinstatement claim. I worry about work and what I might have to do for it. I just worry about everything right now.
I don’t know what to do for the rest of the day today. I am bored but don’t have the concentration to even watch a favorite show of mine. I am simply too distracted to even read. I am down on myself about learning to code. They say anyone can do it yet I am not getting it. I figured I would be fairly good at it because I am good at systems administration and I am good with Linux. Could it be that the skill sets are very different? I don’t really know.
I’d really like to have some ice cream right now; not the most healthy of snacks but I crave it. I have nothing to really look forward to. I need therapy but cannot get it because I cannot afford it without Medicare Part B. I’ve jumped through every hoop that I have been asked to and still nothing has happened. At least I was able to contact my representative, Lisa Blunt Rochester. I’ve been told that she has a committed interest in helping people that suffer from mental illness and/or autism. I filled out the release form and gave her staff the background.
Maybe what I need is a good cry but I cannot even do that because the antidepressants keep me from crying most of the time. I have to be really down to cry. I am just simply fairing poorly. There is absolutely no social justice for people in my situation. As I wrote before I have no agency in my own life. I am like a pinball bouncing off the mechanical bumpers.