This morning I awoke not feeling down at all but slightly agitated and feeling impatient. I am not really a patient person to begin with, rather I am tolerant. However I noticed that my patience is less than normal. This can be a side effect of Serotonin-Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitors (SNRIs.) For those unfamiliar, SNRIs are a class of antidepressant. At least I know from past experiences that this agitation does not last and it always seems to happen when the dose of the medication gets increased. The true blessing is that I am not depressed. I feel like I can function and I think my concentration level is returning. After all, yesterday I managed to do a small DNS computer project.
This sense of agitation is not something I can easily pin down as to why so it is rather hard to relax. It’s a very vague feeling of general discomfort. I hope that as the day progresses it eases some and I can relax. I guess this is where it is a good idea to employ some cognitive behavioral therapy techniques to tell myself that there is absolutely nothing rational to be agitated about. Truly nothing happened to trigger the agiation. Hopefully writing about it will lessen the power of the sensation.
I think the agitation began last night when I was really frustrated about society’s means testing of assistance. I am on a program through the State of Delaware that provides rental assistance. I want to go back to work but I am afraid of losing this assistance because it is means-tested. In Delaware, the median income is 64,000.00 per year and the program mandates that I must be earning 50% of this or less in order to qualify. This probably set up my agitation because the assistance programs (which are supposed to help) end up making things more challenging to get back on your feet. Why couldn’t the programs last for 6 months to a year after you gain meaningful employment to make things easier? Most of these programs offer just token help. Delaware’s is a sight better than most.
I am also dealing with some serious sleep and dream issues although with this new medication, my dream are much less vivid and not as intense. My dreams are all from my past and usually reflect the trauma that I have experienced from people throughout my life. I had dreams of this nature last night but they were far softer and much less distrubing; still unpleasant but not nearly as bad. Today I have a volunteer shift at one of the local animal shelters, doing some cat cuddling. I am looking forward to interacting with my feline gods. They have a way, unlike the mythical judeochristian deity, of actually making me feel better and relaxing me.