Today I am filled with absolute inertia to do anything. I have neither the will nor the energy to get anything done but I do want to blog about it to get the thoughts out of my head. I am beating myself up and feeling like a failure. I feel like I failed at life and the scary thing is I don’t even care right now with what’s going on in the world. I only wanted a weather forecast so I mistakenly watched the news. Why care now?
My concentration is so poor that I’ve been unable to even read, let alone watch TV or do anything else. I feel like one big fat slob and I don’t really care anymore. I guess the good thing is that I am not even thinking passively about death. So I am not as severely depressed but the depression is still there nonetheless. I am feeling the effects of it.
Part of me is wondering if I should apply for work again. I wonder if I should start working and just say fuck it to Social Security Disability. Trouble is I don’t feel like I even have the concentration available to perform work for an employer. But I feel like giving the hell up. I don’t know why I should even have any hope right now. I feel like a ghost moving through life.