This morning I am nervous about one of my medical appointments. I am way overdue to see my bariatric surgeon’s staff for my yearly appointment to make certain everything is okay. One of the problems with mental health relapse is that many things get put by the wayside and this, along with seeing the endocrinologist and dentist, are just part of that. I expect that my blood work will come back normal and everything will be okay but part of me says that I had best brace for the worst news.
Sometimes depression can be easily tied to vitamin deficiencies and other medical problems. A vitamin deficiency now might explain some of the struggles I am having but it creates a more worrisome problem because I have been taking the vitamins that I have been prescribed quite religiously. I made a lot of mistakes over the past two years but taking my vitamins, thankfully, was not one of them. Either way, I am going to know something in the next 48 hours or so.
I wish it was not so difficult to live and I realize a lot of this has to do with difficulties in executive functioning and self-care which are my particular symptoms of autism. Yes, I am autistic. I do not often discuss this much because it is a neurological problem more than say, a mental health/wellness one. Unfortunately, having autism often means a depression and anxiety comorbidity so I guess it is part and parcel with mental illness after all. At least having a smartphone with alarms and checklists helps out tremendously. At times I hate having to treat my life like a project that needs constant management but I take some refuge in that I am not the only one out there.
For today, after the appointment with the nurse practitioner that’s part of the bariatric surgery staff, I plan to take a walk because it is actually going to be a sunny day. Seeing the sun after many days in a row of gloom will be good. I think I might also look into heading back to work in some fashion or another. I might like to do something simple like looking into driving the campus shuttle bus for Christiana Hospital. I have a CDL with passenger endorsement so it is something I could do that wouldn’t be particularly physically demanding.