I just had a memory from back on February 29th of this year. That was the day I was released from the hospital after my second stay in the behavioral health unit due to an active suicide attempt. I was sitting at my computer and just catching up on emails and other things that I had to do when I turned on some music. Something in the universe chose to play Alive and Kicking by Simple Minds. While I was sitting at my desk I could not help but think, I am glad to be alive and glad that I was unsuccessful at suicide.
I think I was somewhat overwhelmed with emotion because I did cry a little out of relief and happiness. I realize that life is difficult and challenging but I think I learned to embrace this. So instead of feeling hopeless, I felt quite hopeful. Since my release, I’ve had my ups and downs but I am nowhere near even thinking about life and death. The two struggles I am having due to depression is with personal hygiene and remembering to do certain daily activities. I’ve found that I’ve needed alarms and reminders for these.
I actually sang along to Alive and Kicking because I realized just how grateful I was for not being successful in suicide. I thought of just how the people who care about me would feel if I were gone. Suicide is kind of the final answer and it’s not really much of an answer; just a finality. The Simple Minds’ song is about being alive, well, and hopeful.