Close to a Meltdown

Today I was frighteningly close to an autistic meltdown. It sucks having sensory issues and feeling like you’re being bombarded with sensation that you cannot escape. Couple that with anxiety and I was just completely overwhelmed. I did fight it off though so I am stronger than I give myself credit for. For a minute, I was concerned that I would be going back to the hospital.

As I age, I don’t handle stress as well as I used to. I used to do it much better. I look back at my time with US Airways/American Airlines and I handled the job stress so much better. Maybe it is because I spent so much time on disability that I’ve become less able to deal with it. I don’t really know.

I am strongly motivated to succeed because of a new potential relationship and a woman I am growing to care very much for. I want to succeed as well because it is so much better being off of disability than being on it. I feel productive and that feeling is good. I just wish my anxiety would be in check and that I’d handle the stress and sensory stuff better.

Well, tomorrow is a new day and it will be better than this one because I have the power to make it so. I am strong and can recover from this day. As my good friend reminds me, he is proud of me for powering through all of this.

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