Facing My Worst Fear


It is amazing how, in the span of only about 7 days, my fortune has drastically changed for the worse. Homelessness is looking increasingly more likely so I am facing my worst fear. I am an adult with Autism and my particular difficulties are self care and executive functioning which means that I would not survive a week on the streets. I might last a day or two but that would be it. There is not even a place of refuge like a library to go to because of the current Coronavirus pandemic. Our society has no safety net which makes it hard enough for people without Autism and mental illness. For people like myself who have both, the situation looks increasingly untenable.

I wonder what I should do if I find myself homeless and I suppose I need to think about this because my doomsday clock is moving ever closer to midnight. I think what I would do immediately is look into seeing if there is a shelter of some sort to live in. I am going to need some sort of roof over my head if I am to survive. I would even put up with bed bugs so as not to live on the street. I have a credit card with a zero balance so I guess I could see if I could stay at an extended stay or some sort of motel 6 or flop house. When that runs out, I will be really and truly in a world of hurt.

The stock market has decimated my safety net. Ironically, I might be better off in a mental hospital or maybe even prison. If I actually become homeless what does it mean for me? I know from all of the reading that I have done that it can many years to recover from homelessness. Do I turn to drugs? Do I turn to crime? Do I do what I have always wanted to do? What does a man who has nothing else to lose really do? These are all the questions that I am currently grappling with. I am sure others are grappling with the same thing as well. It has almost never been as difficult to be in an impoverished state as it is now. In these 7 days alone, the wealth gap has grown immeasurably. I only hope that this delivers the message that Bernie Sanders has been trying to hammer on home.

Sometimes the best learning is through experience. I hope to god that I don’t actually become homeless. It’s more frightening than death. Really and truly. I am not scared of death and dying. But homelessness is a morbid fear of mine. I am not strong like so many other people in my position. I live in awe of the people I hear about that make it. Maybe if I become homeless, I just check out of life on my own terms. America does not care about me so maybe one less mouth to feed is one less person to tax the environment.


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