This morning I am thinking a lot about the future and how bleak things look for me. At least I received confirmation that the Delaware Division of Vocational Rehabilitation has received my application for services. It is going to be time for me to get back to work and I am really and truly nervous about it. While I was inpatient at the local hospital, I realized that I need to do something so I feel like I am productive. But before I do this, I am going to a partial hospitalization program for a couple of weeks to ease the transition from being hospitalized to having less structure. I really liked the program when I went back in January so I think I will like the program again. Some of it may be repetitive but I am okay with that. Sometimes these techniques for fighting depression and anxiety need reinforcement.
After the partial hospitalization program, I will begin in earnest looking for work because it is something I have to do to feel productive and not like a waste-of-life. Perhaps if I can find a job where I am driving I will be happy. I don’t really know what it is that I want to do and do not want to do. Well, I know what I really do not want to do and that is being a security guard. I think I might also want to find an information technology job but that is kind of a long shot. I have a better chance finding a driving job that I can handle and I would probably enjoy the freedom of the road.
Sometimes I wonder if I am really worthwhile at all but I have to remember that Ms. Tangie at MeadowWood believes that everybody is worthwhile and she has been through life’s ringer. When she makes statements like these, she means every single word. So be it! I have nowhere to go but up from here. The climb is not going to be easy but at least I am no longer free-falling: I have bottomed out. About all I can really do right now is meow and move on. Well, at least I am out of the hospital. Let’s see what the next several days are going to bring.