I kept anticipating my alarm last night so I awoke a couple of times. I did wake up once to legitimately use the bathroom. But the other times I was just waiting to wake up to get ready to go to work. At least I\u2019m only going to work for a short 4 hour shift and then I have 53 hours off. I might even take the armed security class but I just don\u2019t know anymore. I don\u2019t feel like advancing my security career anymore. I want to end it permanently. But how many times have I told myself this!? More than I have fingers and toes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m on the bus headed to work and I hate this driver because he is some patsy for the transit company. He\u2019s not running the heat in the bus and it is freezing cold. He\u2019s just a jerk of a human being. I\u2019m guessing he doesn\u2019t want to run the heat so he gets better gas mileage and a better bonus for using less fuel. Be damned about the comfort of the passengers. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
My mental health is poor. I\u2019m angry and depressed all rolled up into one ball of human misery. I cannot even see the good I have in my life right now. I cannot even see what potential opportunities exist because I\u2019m in survival mode. Survival mode is very unpleasant and unhealthy. But I don\u2019t know what to do at the moment. I am a loser and I am paying for the poor decisions that I have made in my past.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The next move for me is probably going to be renting a car from Avis to use on the Uber platform. The cost of the rental is $260 a week for a Chevy Bolt EUV. I don’t quite know what I will be able to make from the whole affair but I sure will try. I think I need to average $24-$26 dollars per hour to make it worthwhile. Of course any more is gravy but any less will hurt because of taxes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I miss my mom. She is not doing well due to advanced Alzheimer’s Disease. I miss being able to run ideas by her. I miss her badly. She was my very precious rock, my gemstone and now she only recognizes me. That’s it. She recognizes me for a short while before asking me who I am. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I kept anticipating my alarm last night so I awoke a couple of times. I did wake up once to legitimately use the bathroom. But the other times I was just waiting to wake up to get ready to go to work. At least I\u2019m only going to work for a short 4 hour shift […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-789","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mental-health"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/goblackcat.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/789","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/goblackcat.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/goblackcat.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goblackcat.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goblackcat.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=789"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/goblackcat.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/789\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/goblackcat.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=789"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goblackcat.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=789"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/goblackcat.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=789"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}