Black Cat Blog

Thoughts, Stories, and Ideas

Worried About The Future

This morning I have been unable to keep my mind in focused on the present. I keep thinking about the future. I am worried about my ability to afford housing, food, clothes, etc. I am worried about the state of America because of my vulnerabilities. I am both autistic and mentally ill: a double whammy if you will. I was supposed to be in the process of moving into my section 8 housing by now and there are delays. The delays are concerning.

I am worried about the GOP coming for people like me who are disabled. The disabled are often the first to suffer under authoritarianism and that is the way the country is headed. I am concerned that one of the first things Donald Trump will do is to come for people like myself by cutting necessities like Social Security Disability and Supplemental Social Income. The GOP time and again wants to cut programs like Medicaid and Food Stamps.

I am also worried about my mom’s situation. She needs to leave my father as my father is bad news. He’s draining the finances rapidly and she knows it. My mom is almost 80 and I won’t be able to take care of her but at least she knows this too. My mom is finally consulting a divorce attorney this coming week and I know it will be good for her. I already don’t have a relationship with my father so I could care less how he reacts. My brother has a relationship with him, but I’ve neither want nor need of one. My father is going to blame me if my mom gets a divorce and I am geared up for that.

I am also worried about my mental health. I have my good days and my bad days. Yesterday was a good day but today is not so much. The medicine I take only works up to a point. It keeps my head above water but not a whole lot more. The rest, unfortunately, is on me. I cannot afford the newer treatments out there as they are just not covered by Medicare. I wonder what I am going to do.

I know that I need to move soon because I cannot afford another month’s rent of 900.00. All of this is happening so slowly. I also discovered yesterday that Medicare Part B has not been reinstated just yet when I was told by Social Security that it would be effective June 1st. I have kind of hit the maximum of what I can deal with. I just don’t have the bandwidth to handle any more.

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