I know I should try and get some sleep but I’m afraid to. I’m afraid of the night terrors. The last 4 nights they’ve been very bad. My greatest fear – really and truly – is homelessness. I fear sleeping out in the open with no protection. I know I would be a victim. Lately these are my dreams. I’m sleeping on a park bench and I get assaulted badly. Or I’m desperately trying to hide in an abandoned building. I keep being startled awake. In one dream rats started eating me alive. In another, lightning struck me. I remember begging for admittance into a shelter; pleading with the staff only to be turned away.
My other dreams were of my brother rejecting me and no longer wanting me to be a part of his life. I was pleading with him for another chance. This dream had no real basis in reality. My brother and I are closer than we’ve ever been but the night terrors are bad. I’m fighting against sleep. I’m fighting hard. I don’t know what to turn to.
My eyelids are growing heavy and I am getting tired. I think tomorrow will do the best that I can