Normally when it comes to medical issues I remain optimistic and hopeful. Today, I am all out of optimism and hope. I’m actually quite sad and feeling defeated. At 48 years old I am dealing with serious incontinence problems. I’m also simultaneously dealing with borderline bradycardia and low blood pressure. So I am back in the hospital for doctors to try and figure things out. All I want to do is break down and cry. As if this was not enough, I got a 38/50 on my topic proposal for my research for one of my classes. I was sure I had done better. I’m coming apart at the seams.
Urinating is burning like fire right now. I’m really worried. I have so much vested in this master’s program and I can feel it slipping away gradually. I need to somehow get my concentration back and redouble my efforts. I’m a smart and capable person. Why am I unable to concentrate!? Where is my major malfunction!? This is something I want to do. Social Work is something I want to do. Grad school is something I want to do.
Maybe I just need to revisit my study strategy a bit. 15 minutes of study and 10 minutes of break. Maybe during this difficult time period, I just need to be kinder and gentler to myself. After I pass this hurdle, I’ll make it through. I will succeed here. I will simply redouble my efforts. I will recommit to success.