Last week was a real one two punch and I am somewhat behind the 8 ball due to my hospitalization and I am down but not out. I am physically and mentally exhausted. Tomorrow evening, I have to work a security guard shift but Monday I need a mandatory day for mental health where I do nothing at all and focus on nothing more than watching TV and total relaxation. It’s been an absolute difficult road but I am slowly making it one way or another. I have some lingering fear of failure but I am growing in confidence slowly with each paper I write and with each small writing assignment that I complete.
I am trying to get my creative juices flowing a little bit right now because I have to consider my character analysis for one of my classes. I have to do an analysis of a fictional media character and I chose Dr. A.J. Austin portrayed by Malcolm Jamal Warner from The Resident which is a really great show with some gifted acting. I am going to do a complete analysis of Dr. A.J. Austin and I feel a lot better about it now because I at least have a perspective that I am going to work from. I am going to work from the Social Construction Perspective theory which looks at shifting realities that someone experiences. I believe that realities are different and depend wholly on the environment and how the person’s experiences shape them. So I am already starting to feel better about this.
I am on campus on a Saturday to catch up on homework and studies but I am now exhausted and I think I am ready to head home soon. At least I will be ready to return this loaner laptop and then start to do some reading. Then maybe I’ll take the bus home. I don’t know just yet. I know that I need a mental health break badly. I need some down time where I am not thinking about grad school, how to solve my financial situation, or maintain my fragile mental health. I would like to immerse myself in my computer hobby or maybe pick up my amateur radio hobby again for a little bit but even that seems a little overwhelming. I think I just want to watch some TV or a movie and get my relax on.
If I know one thing I know that I am an incredibly resilient person. I don’t think I give myself enough credit for this. I’ve learned to be resilient in the face of adversity. I’ve learned to bounce back from setback. The thing is that I am sick of adversity. Why is it that the poor and working class must face adversity? Why is it that overcoming adversity is glorified here in the United States? Adversity should not ever have become normalized. Adversity is nothing more than a dog whistle for prevention of upward social mobility. Once you’re in poverty, you’re in a hole where the sides are greased and designed for you to keep slipping down every time you make some progress towards the top.