I am about to be going home from the hospital to go to Christiana Care Hospital at Home. I feel more human again after taking a shower and cleaning up. It felt good to get out of bed but I realized how bad the diabetic neuropathy in my feet has gotten. At least now I am looking at the problem more soberly and less emotionally which helps a lot. I am also looking at the problem through the lens of being autistic. One of the symptoms of my disability is having visual spatial difficulties. In essence, this means that I am not always aware of where my body is in relation to other objects in a given space and can tend to be awkward or bump into things.
I never realized until today how much I have come to depend on my feet to compensate for this visual spatial deficit. I relied heavily on the sensation in my feet, albeit subconsciously, to determine my orientation in space and navigate my environment. Much in the way a cat uses its whiskers, I depend upon my feet. Since I have lost feeling in my feet as the nerves have died due to the toxicity of high blood sugar, I’ve other problems that require physical therapy and the use of a cane now. Again this will be finding a new normal.
It will take my autistic mind awhile to develop new neural pathways and compensation strategies for the diabetic neuropathy. I think this can happen once I do find my new normal.