I have no relationship with my father. In fact, I bare a lot of enmity towards him. But lately, I have been feeling wracked with guilt over these feelings as he slides further into the throes of dementia. I know this is just me because he’s caused me a tremendous amount of emotional and psychological trauma in my life, but at some point, I have to let this go. Virtually nobody deserves the misery of losing their mental faculties.
My father believes that the government is actively out to get him. He also believes that he is going to be handed a cashier’s check for several million dollars any day now; literally any day now. This is not going to happen and he will not hear otherwise so we know he has full blown dementia. My father has always been a little gullible and easily sold but he’s never been this defensive or adamant. Years ago he got sold on an absolute junky printer. When I told him that, instead of getting defensive we went together to return it and buy a good laser printer. He has also not been showering, shaving, or doing laundry. It looks like he has not been sleeping either but he has no history of bipolar disorder.
To try to assuage some of my guilt, I offered him a place to stay if he’s going to be evicted and he shouted at me that he won’t be evicted because he has a multi-million dollar check coming. That’s the end of that. He has no money. He just asked my brother for 1800.00 for rent. I guess I should feel some absolution of my guilt but I don’t.
My father wants nothing more to do with me. To be honest, I am okay with that. I wish I could do more for the man but I cannot. I have enough money to support myself and that’s it. I’ve long since stopped seeking any kind of approval from a man who will never give me any. I have to forge my own path ahead.