My Take on History's Alone

One of my favorite TV shows is Alone on the History Channel. I wish they had a version where they only tested the psychological aspect, and to a lesser extent, the survival aspect. The show itself is really well done and raw. The participants are not actors, they’re only well-trained survivalists. What if the producers of Alone did a version where the participants were given food weekly in cache and simply tested the psychological side of being alone? [Read More]

Close to a Meltdown

Today I was frighteningly close to an autistic meltdown. It sucks having sensory issues and feeling like you’re being bombarded with sensation that you cannot escape. Couple that with anxiety and I was just completely overwhelmed. I did fight it off though so I am stronger than I give myself credit for. For a minute, I was concerned that I would be going back to the hospital. As I age, I don’t handle stress as well as I used to. [Read More]

Wave of Sadness

This morning I am battling a wave of intense sadness and I am feeling really sorry for myself and my circumstances. That’s why I am sitting down to write this so I can get the thoughts out of my head. I find myself wishing for something really bad to happen to me and I know that these thoughts are serious indicators of problems. Work is not going very well and I feel like I am floundering badly, like I am way out of my element. [Read More]

As I Age

I am a generaton X baby and the baby boomers often warned me that I would become more conservative as I grew older. As I age, I am finding myself actually moving more and more left to the point where I identify as a Communist and reject Capitalism altogether. I really see where a country needs programs like Housing For All, Healthcare For All, and Food For All. A healthy population is a productive population. [Read More]

Saturday Morning

This Saturday morning I am really feeling the weight of life in America and its near impossibility to get ahead. I know that this is by design. I know why people dream and by lottery tickets because of this. Anyhow, I digress; I am feeling low and grouchy this morning despite the unusually nice weather. I think I am going to get lost in a show today and escape the doldrums. [Read More]

Windows Is Not Green

This morning I basically got about 25 retired PCs ready to go to the scapper and I found myself getting increasingly angry and annoyed because of all of the waste. These perfectly good PCs are basically going to head to a landfill. Maybe a few of them might find a second life somewhere but most are going to pollute the shores of some developing nation because they won’t run Microsoft Windows well enough anymore. [Read More]

America's Education System

The system of education in America has little to do about actual education but about indoctrination into a brutally harsh capitalist system where failure and difficulty is met with personal fault. I’ve recently had time to examine my grade school education and I have realized that it was all about “white is right” and “big bad Communism.” Every bit of history that I learned in grade school glorified horrors like manifest destiny and Andrew Jackson. [Read More]

Some Personal Updates

I have made it through my first 30 days of full time employment with the State of Delaware as a Telecommunications/Network Technician and it has not been easy by any stretch. There have been days where I drive home at the end of the day and just want to cry because they have been riddled with anxiety and stress. I’ve wondered if I can even do the job at all and I’ve been scared that the job might drive me back into the deep, dark hole of hopelessness, despair, and depression. [Read More]

Solving Crime and Violence

The problems of crime and violence are deceptively difficult to solve. Yes, I used the double negative on purpose in order to draw attention to how simple these problems are to solve. In order to solve the problems of crime and violence, we must address the problem of poverty. To solve the problem of poverty, we must have a strong social welfare system that is not nearly as means tested as it is today. [Read More]

Blowing Off Steam

Tonight I really need to blow off some steam. Work is not going well and I am depresed about it. I had higher hopes that I’d found a good place to work but it looks like those hopes have been sorely missplaced. I guess the old saying, Shit in one hand, hope in the other, and see which hand gets filled faster bitterly applies. I have stepped into a dumpster fire and it feels like I just don’t have enough bandwidth to survive it. [Read More]