Black Cat Blog

Thoughts, Stories, and Ideas

  • A Bright Spark

    Things have taken a turn for the better this week. Yesterday, despite feeling physically sick and quite tired, I was very happy to have received notification that I would be attending New Employee Orientation at Allied Universal Security on Thursday, July 16th at 10:00AM. While I know that AUS has its warts, a devil I know is better than a devil I do not. I think I have to make peace with security being my bread and butter for the foreseeable future. That’s fine because it forces me to define myself by who I really am, not simply by what I do for a living. At least AUS is a big company, and as long as I do the basic job without infractions, I’ll have work as long as I want it.

    I am also relieved that I will be able to give notice to my existing employer. Yes, I have been indoctrinated. I just don’t know whether I should because my existing employer, OPS Security Group, is (in)famous for showing people the door when they give notice. My new role won’t begin until July 30th and I need the money so maybe I don’t give notice until about 2 days beforehand. So I will probably make the 27th my last day at OPS to give me some rest time. I want to be rested and ready for the new role at $22.00 per hour!

    I really don’t know whether or not to give the courtesy of 2 week’s notice. OPS hasn’t treated me well or with that much respect, and given their proclivity for paying less than the average, I don’t think I would come back here. Management is mostly terrible and mismanaging what could be a good company to work for. At least AUS is a known quantity and free sharp-looking uniforms. Maybe I’ll pick up some vacation time after one year. I think after two years, you get something like 2 weeks but I don’t know.

    Still some good things are in the works and I’ve reason to be excited and reason to look forward to the immediate future

  • Zen Quotations

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    Normally I am very much a fan of Zen and its quotations but I really and truly hate this one:

    Pain doesn’t last. And when it’s gone, we have something to show for it. Growth.

    — Kamal Ravikant

    Pain does not necessarily equal growth. As we are learning in more present times, pain can actually lead to psychological trauma and mental illness. I am more of a fan of having one move outside of their comfort zone. That is what actually makes someone grow. Taking risks equals growth. Pain often causes setbacks that take years to recover from. That is, if the person can ever recover from.

    Ravikant missed the mark here. Pain can lead to psychological trauma which not only impedes growth but can actually prevent growth or cause major regressions in a person. This is why I do not generally like organized religions of any sort. In the end, organized religions are a facility of human beings. Human beings are very much error prone and religions reflect this tendency. I do generally like Zen because it is far less egregious than most other religions and it is not saddled by dogma. And this is one man’s belief.

    Kamal Ravikant could be mistaking pain for discomfort here but I do not think so. Generally, I believe he thinks pain is growth, much in the way our millionaire and billionaire classes preach that pressure turns coal into diamonds. By the way, I hate the sayings that come from the wealthy as well because they are more propaganda than practical.

    Growth comes from learning from one’s mistakes, engaging in lifelong learning, and seeking new opportunities to safely expand horizons. While some pain does teach us important life’s lessons, repeated pain equals trauma.

  • The App Eating My Screen Time

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    Daily writing prompt
    What app eats up most of your screen time — and do you even feel bad about it?
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    The app eating my screen time the most has to be Mastodon. Mastodon is a micro-blogging platform similar to Twitter except that it is completely open source and decentralized. Mastodon is an app that participates in something called The Fediverse. The Fediverse is, as the name suggests, a federated platform that no one person or corporation controls. Anybody is free to stand up their own Mastodon server and participate or to join one offering memberships. By memberships, I mean free ones of course.

    I don’t feel bad about it because I learn so much. Mastodon attracts the politically very left, high technology, and very capable computer user. Therefore all kinds of interesting things happen from art and music to writing, photography, and everything in between. It’s the polar opposite of the anti-educational and anti-intellectual platform that X.com has devolved into. It is possible to learn so much and connect with a highly diverse population with stratifying interests.

    I do have to remind myself not to get too lost in it though because my wife matters me to very much. I don’t want to lose her of course or grow to resent me so I have to be careful.

  • Feel Like I’m In A Hole

    I feel like I’m in this hole that I just cannot get out of. It feels like life is simply kicking me around and laughing at me. I knew I should not have gotten excited about the Allied Universal job offer because it was still putting the cart before the horse. My background check completed and I was supposed to find out when I would be scheduled for New Employee Orientation. That hasn’t quite happened yet and I am concerned. I need the significant increase in money that the position would bring.

    I was so concerned that I threw my hat in the ring for another security position elsewhere. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be welcome at my present one. On February 18th of next year, I will be with them 2 years. I’d really like not to feel as if I am trapped at OPS Security Group. I would like there to be options. Perhaps tomorrow, I will receive the notification with the New Employee Orientation date and time. I am trying not to overthink everything.

    I am very tired and feeling just down in the dumps. I need a break from this situation. I just have to remain hopeful.

  • A Book I Have Read The Most

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    Daily writing prompt
    Which book have you read more than any other?
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    This is a fun one because the book I read the most is The Fantastic Mr. Fox by Roald Dahl. Before I launch into my reasons and an analysis of the text, a little about Roald Dahl. Dahl could nominally be considered one of the “OG” subversives. And the cool thing is that he was able to bump right up against the line, cross it, and come back without anyone in power being the wiser. Dahl was smarter than they are/were. May you rest in peace and in power, sir!

    As a child I loved this The Fantastic Mr. Fox it’s an exciting page turner full of adventure and almost heart-stopping moments. The read was genuinely exciting to me. Reading it as an adult, I see a totally different perspective which makes the book equally as exciting. Roald Dahl was truly before his time.

    When the Foxs’ home was destroyed, Bryce, Bunson, and Bean, the wealthy farmers, they were forced underground. In return for being forced underground, they built secret tunnels to the farms so they could steal the farmers’ produce. Mr. Fox completely justified this by hollowing out a community – think communism and socialism here – dining room. A crew would then steal from the evil wealthy farmer an amount of food to live on. Mr. Fox saw no qualms about stealing nee reclaiming resources necessary for life.

    Roald Dahl placed his extremely left political views into Mr. Fox. Mr. Fox ensured that vegetables would be made for the rabbits and animals that are not carnivores. In effect, the subtext suggests that everyone should be taken care of without artificial means testing. When I read this book, I am in awe of the message he’s sending and that he was able to do it in a highly conservative time where anyone needing assistance was seen as “less than human.”

    To this day I still read the book about once a year and pick up on something I missed. That is the depth of Dahl’s writing. The same can be said for his other books like Charlie and The Chocolate Factory and The Great Glass Elevator. In the latter, Roald Dahl rather openly criticized the United States’ Government which was tantamount to heresy at the time it was published. Yet the criticism was so implicit, few picked up on it. They assumed it to be just like a comic strip. But in reality, it was a very harsh criticism of the US Military Industrial Complex.

  • High Anxiety Morning

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    I’m having a bit of a high anxiety morning and I do not really know why because typically a dose of THC does much to alleviate this. So this must be situational anxiety rather than chemical. I received an offer letter from Allied Universal for a security officer and I completed the background check and drug test agreements. I was supposed to get an email after the background check completed so that I could schedule a new employee orientation. This has not come and I need this job so my anxiety is high.

    Not even being in my home lab has done much to alleviate the anxiety. I managed to fix a problem with zero down time and zero data loss. That in of itself was an achievement. At least I am still good at one thing: computers and networks. And I am just good … not an expert by any means. Working on a home lab has taught me just how much more I need to teach myself. 😆

    So I have to figure out how to bring my anxiety down somewhat. I figure that if I tell myself that this is something I cannot control that I can relax a bit. On Monday, I will call the local branch office of Allied Universal and figure out what the next steps are. Sometimes a little bit of proactivity goes a long way. The office local to where I live is Claymont, Delaware. It’s a quick and easy bus ride to the New Employee Orientation.

    I really need this new job! I need to get out from under the present disaster I am in. Ugh! It’s putting me on edge every time I walk in to work on the weekdays. I rather like the weekends because I rarely deal with anyone. I simply work.

  • Erasing A Trend

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    Daily writing prompt
    If you could erase one trend from history, what would it be?
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    This is another good daily writing prompt. One historical trend that would be great to erase from the past and prevent in the future is the human tendency to gravitate towards anger and hatred in poor economic times. Members of the poor and working class turn on each other in economic recessions, depressions, “dark ages”, etc. The rising levels of hatred seem to be in direct proportions to economic and financial stressors. These stressors rise exponentially when access to a reliable and safe income dry up.

    A large part of this problem seems to be the insatiable greed of the wealthy. Let’s look at Elon Musk, history’s first trillionaire. That’s more money than most people could spend in a lifetime. One does not obtain that amount of money through honest and ethical business practices. This man has hurt an untold and unknown number of people to obtain this vast sum of money. But we can surmise that the people he has hurt have been the working class. In a bitter sense of irony, rather than getting angry at Musk, the working class turn on each other; fighting for scraps like stray dogs in the street. But that’s a topic for another day.

    This has been a historical trend throughout times. Since Trump was dubiously re-elected to the presidency we are seeing it play out. Rent, food, clothing, gasoline, and the cost of basic needs have risen exponentially while wages have fallen. The only answers to problems like these are more regulation and not less. I guess that’s another historical trend to erase. Humans born into inter-generational wealth, when left to their own devices, will not generally do the right thing automatically. This is why we need regulation.

    But the trend of cyclical economic depression giving rise to hatred, racism, and domestic terrorism needs to come to an end because it does no good whatsoever. The working class needs to band together and not be so divided. These divisions have existed for centuries however. It is what has enabled this trend.

  • What Shapes Us

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    Daily writing prompt
    Do you think we’re shaped more by our experiences or by who we are?
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    It is my belief that we are shaped by our experiences rather than who we are. Our experiences are actually what define us and answer the question of who we are. Or maybe, and more perfectly said, our experiences mostly define who we are and shape us. Speaking from personal experience, I can definitively say my experiences, both positive and negative, have shaped me.

    One summer I rode a bicycle 300 miles, when I lived in Arizona I learned to ride a motorcycle, and when I graduated from college I backpacked through the Sierras in California and the Northern Presidentials in New Hampshire. These experiences helped to define me as comfortable and happy in the mountains and loving riding anything with two wheels on them. I met people and built long lasting friendships; had experiences with extreme beauty and got to do some activities many dream about.

    I went to Alaska and Hawaii. I spent New Years 2010 in Tokyo with a very good friend. Those were the good times. The bad times with mental and physical health issues served to remind me of my humanity and the short time that we live on this planet called earth. In getting sick and struggling, I learned humility, kindness, empathy, and sympathy for others. I learned the value of elevating others around me.

    It is our experiences that profoundly shape us and define us. It is also the choices we make as a result of these experiences. Do we choose to learn from them or do we dig in our heels and continue to repeat mistakes we have made? There are truly many variables here. I am reminded of a friend who is a recovering addict. I love his two life’s mantras and I feel it best to conclude this posting with them.

    If you are going through hell, keep going, and do not stop. What has a beginning also has an end.

    Adapt, improvise, and overcome.

  • An Animal For A Week

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    Daily writing prompt
    If you had to be an animal for a week, which one would you be and why?
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    This particular writing prompt spoke to me from both an interest and a mental health stand point. I have to admit that it kind of made me smile. Anyhow, if I had to be an animal for one week I would like to be a cat. I think my blog kind of gave that one way though. While I certainly neither have the dexterity nor the survival aptitude that a cat has, I have always considered myself cat-like when it comes to certain behaviors, tolerances, and daily living.

    Let me begin by stating that I am on the autistic spectrum and I have ADHD. So the unofficial lingo is that I am AuHD. I am very sensitive to sounds, noises, smells, and general environmental stimuli. Cats are also this way, and in fact, it is generally believed by experts that our house cats’ paws are so sensitive that they can detect an earth quake coming. Their sense of smell and hearing are vastly better than our own. So much like a cat, I can become easily overwhelmed by environmental stimuli. When this happens, I feel the need to escape and escape quickly or clamp my hands over my ears; anything to reduce this overwhelming sensation.

    Cats are also highly intelligent animals. They learn from their environment very quickly and I tend to do much the same. I love their fierce sense of independence and the way they form bonds. Since cats lean towards independence, when they form bonds they are psychologically very strong and hence devastating when they break. It took me several years after my engagement fell through before I could begin seriously dating again. When my engagement never happened, I was seriously bereft.

    Cats mourn loss deeply and privately to avoid predation. In the face of loss and grieving, sometimes I retreat as well. I get cats and they get me. Sometimes I wonder if I wasn’t a feline in a previous life if such a thing were even possible in the first place.

  • Technology Here To Stay

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    Daily writing prompt
    What’s a piece of technology you’re convinced will exist in 20 years?
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    I am convinced that the Internet, TCP/IP Networks, and computers are here to to stay and they will be around in 20 years. The Internet has changed lives and mostly for the better. We have unprecedented access to information and ideas. Granted a lot of it is mis and disinformation so extra care has to be taken to sift out the wheat from the chaff and we have to use some critical thinking skills. That much said, the Internet has helped to discover hobbies that I would otherwise have not discovered nor really taken an interest in like ham radio.

    The Internet is modern equivalent of the movable type printing press. Those that choose to be luddites risk being left behind. We are also living in particularly interesting times with regards to the Internet. The Internet itself is starting to again resemble its early days of introduction to the consumer and business marketplaces. Corporate control is starting to wane in favor of people creating their own home labs, hosting their own services, and leaving the cloud and corporate offerings behind.

    I have moved all of my stuff out of the cloud, including email. I host everything out of my own home on a business class desktop with good quality hardware that I own. I make regular backups like the olden days of computing. And I am free from the perennial subscription models to boot.