Black Cat Blog

Thoughts, Stories, and Ideas

  • Kindest Thing Someone Did For Me

    Daily writing prompt
    What’s the kindest thing someone has ever done for you?
    View all responses

    The kindest thing someone did for me ever was when I did not have enough money to pay for my food at a convenience store was pay for my food. I was absolutely flabbergasted and before I had time to tell him that this was not necessary, he had already swiped his card and the food paid for. That was an absolutely amazing gesture and I was blown away by that level of kindness. I was on SNAP benefits and did not realize my card had run out. That’s kind of embarrassing, which was made even more so by the fact that I was paying with EBT.

    I was able to eat for the day until I got paid and I appreciated it very much. Small gestures of kindness like that are great. It’s a shame that the wealthy don’t do more philanthropy. Well, Bill Gates does but it goes to his pet projects and often what is en vogue, which is to say helping people in other countries when their are people here in America starving.

    ,

  • A New Business Idea

    I have been trying to stay away from businesses that might seem shady or seedy but there are two products that are always recession-proof: sex and food. The simple fact of the matter is that sex sells. So, I am thinking along the lines of the former because food is an impossibility for me right now. But there are plenty of opportunities for tasteful, elegant that produce good quality, imaginative, and innovative erotica. I might be able to make some money off of this. Sex sells and that is the bottom line.

    So the wheels are turning in my head. I don’t want to give away too much because bots may scrape me and steal my idea but suffice it to say that I have a really good one. I am in the midst of converting it to an opportunity because it is actionable and realistic. I know that I’ll need some kind of trademark to protect the idea. I’ll also need copyright warnings left and right. I don’t know if this is original but I guess I’ll soon find out.

    In ordinary times, I might never have thought about a business idea such as this but times have changed and so have I. I want to make a lot of money, make some people satisfied, and get out of the corporate rat race to the bottom. Nobody retires wealthy but working for somebody else all of their lives. They usually end up broke down and busted with health problems as a result of giving their minds and bodies completely over to an unrelenting system.

    Also, in economic down times such as these, people become more depressed and even more likely to escape the impossibilities of life. Yes, I am capitalizing on this desire but there is no need to charge a fortune for something like this. The bottom line is that sex and pleasure sell.

  • Just Another Sunday

    As I get used to my new job, I am feeling more and more comfortable as the week’s go by. I am also starting to like going to work again. I know a large part of it is because I am finally earning good money for an unarmed security guard/officer. The pay is decent but still kind of low. However, $7.00 per hour more than my previous job is great! So I don’t really mind going in and I’ll have two pay periods in a row with overtime. One thing Denisse and I want is a new bedroom set because the queen sized bed we have now is kind of small for the two of us. I am still a big guy but more to the effect that I am 6’4″ and about 230 pounds.

    I spent some time this morning on Facebook Marketplace and found a likely king-sized bedroom set candidate. I just have to show it to Denisse but I have a feeling she won’t veto it too badly. At least I hope not because it is kind of my taste in furniture. I don’t like light woods. I prefer medium to darker woods. The price though is not so right. I am hoping I can get the seller to knock a little bit more off of the price. That much said, it’s a nice used set.

    I am also happy that I have only two payments left on Denisse’s engagement ring. I didn’t really have the means to spend more than $1500 at the time. I am thinking that her wedding band will be much nicer. At some point, I am going to need to buy a car and I want to get a better machine to act as a server than I currently have. There’s Christmas ahead and other things. I hate poverty.

    I also would like a motorcycle again because they’re a lot of fun. I miss riding very much and I would like to find a big ol’ cruiser like a Kawasaki Vulcan Nomad 1600! I had a 1500 when I lived in Gilbert, AZ. That was a fun bike and I enjoyed it very much. I guess I have some nostalgia from when I lived in the desert. I have some fun memories of long rides to the middle of nowhere. Well, perhaps I’ll get a bike again one day.

    ,

  • Thinking About Self-Education

    I am thinking about doing some disciplined self-education. I saw that MIT has something that they call a “Micro Masters” program. I am particularly interested in some of the business and technoogy-related courses being offered so that I can better develop my value proposition and skills to sell. The problem is coming up with a schedule and being disciplined about it. I don’t know that I am lazy exactly or that I do not have drive but I struggle with routine and these kinds of things. Sometimes I have difficulty starting a learning journey when it comes to topics other than technology. I have to develop an interest in other areas in order to grow.

    There is time to do these learning activities. I generally wake up early and have a couple of hours before work which I could utilize more beneficially. Sometimes I am angry at the sheer amount of time that I waste that could be going to learning and self-development. I love learning but I want to expand my horizons beyond technology. I want to learn things like business and finance. Ultimately, I want to be a better and more rounded person.

    I am feeling pretty okay this morning but I am finding myself needing something personally challenging to do. I cannot explain this antsy feeling I have. It is almost like a discomfort in my own skin and I want to break out of it. This is the best way to describe it. I feel like I am destined for something better than this current life. But betterment is not in the future. The opportunities exist now in the present. I want to be mindful.

    ,

  • Weird Coincidences

    Daily writing prompt
    What’s the weirdest coincidence you’ve ever experienced?
    View all responses

    I find the timing of this daily writing prompt a very weird coincidence. Last night was date night for me and my wife. Denisse told me her father’s first name and was telling me how much she still misses him. Well, it turns out that her father’s first name is the same as my own: Edward; actually Eduardo because they’re Puerto Rican. So Denisse’s father and I share a name. She and I were both shocked. Yes, this could be coincidental but something uncanny seems to be happening here. There’s a lot about the way the world works that we do not understand.

    After learning that Denisse’s father and I share that name, I am left wondering if there was something else in the works; like meeting Denisse was what was supposed to happen to me. Denisse even once told me that I even have some similarities to her father’s personality: like my whole unconditional love belief. I don’t really know but this ranks up there with the weirdest of coincidences that I have experienced.

    ,

  • Feeling Good

    My depression and anxiety seem to be in a waning phase because I am doing much better overall. The thing I hate most about my brain is that depression seems to wax and wane with me. But I will take the good news. Yesterday I was feeling really relaxed and confident at work. Maybe I am finally beginning to feel comfortable in my new role. For me, this is absolutely huge because I had a lot of trouble adjusting; to the point of having a panic attack. Now that I am starting to feel comfortable, I believe things will continue to improve from here. I am definitely enjoying the higher salary.

    I am even feeling fairly good about tomorrow because of my appointment at the Delaware Department of Labor. This will mark the beginning of my journey to entrepreneurship. I have in mind what I want to do and I plan to roll with it. It’s time to launch this IT training business and start with a contract with the Department of Labor. If all goes well, I will seek contracts with other agencies for training and education. I would love to expand this into a brick and mortar business with classroom and lab. I want to develop true professionals, not simply someone that can pass a certification exam.

    I am ready for the next path in life; one towards more independence and away from having a boss and navigating the mine field that a corporate life is. It would be so great to build Avvira Global into an IT training dynasty, sell 85% of it, and then retire with some residual income. This is going to take discipline and work but it’s a good kind of work because I am furthering my own goals instead of some organization’s. But one day at a time and living in the present is my mantra. Tomorrow will merely mark the beginning.

    , ,

  • Beautiful Day

    It’s such a beautiful day and I wish I didn’t have to go to work so I could enjoy it. I might do some extra outside tours just because it is so nice. I can imagine the sunset tonight. I’m going to try and be outside for sunset. Also, for some strange reason my feet feel fantastic. I hope this continues because it feels like the diabetic neuropathy has diminished. I’ll take the win as they say. 

    I’m on tenterhooks about Wednesday. I’m excited to begin the process of self-employment and entrepreneurship with the assistance programs. It’s still 2 days away but I am nonetheless ready.

    I’m building a better life and that’s what is important. One day at a time. I wish it could be faster but it is what it is. Patience is important in today’s world.

  • A Rainy Saturday Morning

    I had to wake up early this morning because of a snafu at Walgreens. Despite it being a rainy morning and not wanting to take the bus to Walgreens, I did it and got that over with. I find rain very relaxing and enjoyed hearing the drops on my umbrella. There was something quite soothing about that, especially in the face of what life is throwing at me right now. My professional life is in absolute shambles. I have a co-worker that is dedicated to making my life miserable. From day one she decided she does not like me. That is perfectly okay but you still have to be civil, polite, and professional in the workplace. She is not.

    This morning I have to go into work early for a staff meeting and I am dreading it. I do not want to go to this staff meeting at all because it’s not going to be a good experience. There’s going to be stress and gripes and I just don’t want to hear it. Furthermore, I am not looking forward to what this one co-worker is going to say or do to try and sabotage me. It’s a good thing I sent an email to my manager yesterday to let him know what was going on. Hopefully he will deal with it.

    I feel exhausted and done. Again, I had a night that didn’t give me much in the way of sleep. I seem to have an easy time falling asleep but I just don’t like that I am waking up one or two times. I’d really like to sleep through the night; dead like a log. My brain is going in 360 different directions right now. I am trying to live in the present. What can I do right now to self-soothe? The most obvious thing is to listen to the Kitaro radio station on Pandora and let my mind drift away.

    , ,

  • Relive One Day

    If you could relive one day from your past, which day would it be and why?

    They say the best revenge is living well. If I could relive one day from my past it was the graduation from high school where I graduated at the top of my class with honors. This was a big fuck you to everyone that made my life a living hell in high school. Too bad I didn’t amount to much but at least I struck a note. Now I am just old.

    So yes, that’s the one day I would like to relive. I got the headmasters award. I got into a tier 1 liberal arts college. It was the best college out of everyone in my graduating class.

    It’s a shame that I am relegated to an angry, impoverished, shadow of a man now. So maybe they got the last laugh. Typical, I am surprised I never even got to be anything good. I got built up to believing that I could do great things. But I’m worthless.

    ,

  • Not Gonna Lie

    The last time I felt this hopeless, I wound up in a behavioral health hospital. So what’s different this time? I’m using my skills. I’m using my coping skills. When I was in my 20s, I had thought seriously about running guns or selling drugs because I had such difficulty finding work. My thoughts are turning back to that. I now understand Walter White from Breaking Bad. I am beyond sympathetic. I’m empathetic. What else can you do when faced with the impossible?

    I’m using one of the best DBT techniques out there: a rubber band around my left palm. It has just enough tension that I can feel. Oddly, it’s calming. My therapist taught me this technique. I may need to pull out all stops to keep calm and survive the rough patch. I have to. I have no other choice. I want to get it in gear for August 26th. I want to be ready for the important first step towards entrepreneurship. The road ahead will be long and hard but rarely is anything worth doing easy.

    If my business teaching computers happens to do well, I’m legit going to be happy because I will be out of the rat race that I am in. I’ll be doing what I love and hopefully spark a passion from my students. Eyes on the prize. Less than 5 days now.

    , ,