I’m having a very hard time staying awake today. My concentration is just all over the place and I’m falling asleep at my desk. Thankfully, I only have 2.5 hours left and then I can head home. It’s really tough when you hate your job like I do. I would have thought that this would be lighting a fire under my feet to get this business launched. Instead, I feel full of ideas and inertia.

I’m laughing about it but things are happening too slowly for my liking. This is happening because I’m not spending enough time and not making progress. I want to make progress and wish I could bust out my laptop right here and now. I also feel a tad stupid from last night. I had a bit of fun with Denisse and I might be paying for that today.

Well, point of fact, I might not be as stupid as I think because I did figure out how to utilize AI for market research. AI has been so helpful with the planning side of business. I even learned, courtesy of AI, that I was underestimating my own capabilities and underpricing my services. AI even helped me to come up with a good pricing structure.

I might even go so far as to claim that I feel more confident about my ability to offer these services. I would love to get to the point where I’m at 1 million per month in revenue. But this is probably a dream. At least I still have dreams.

I am actually finding myself not minding this Monday morning shift much as it is going to be relatively easy money. The hardest part of the whole affair is simply waking up early. I would like to spend some time this morning on brainstorming and market research. I want to get out of this hole that I am in so now is the time to work diligently and smartly. Sadly, discrimination at the age of 40+ is real. Thus, I don’t see myself ever getting back into technology as a W2 employee.

I will never get why there is such a presumption that the older worker is so incapable. What I can do is parlay my technology experience into a viable business that is mostly unrelated to technology. I don’t really want to do much in the way of technology consulting, yet I don’t want to limit myself either. I think I’d rather be a strategy consultant than in the troubleshooting role; the 30,000 foot view. I will play the role of virtual CIO if I offer anything in the technology realm altogether.

I am ambivalent about technology and it’s only really fun when I can do things like experiment. That was one of the reasons why I originally considered starting an IT training business. Now I remember why I nixed it …. I don’t really have the patience necessary to teach. It just dawned on me that I have failed to consider that I could always hire somebody to do the teaching. I could create the curriculum and do the 30,000 foot view.

Sometimes I wonder if being autistic gets in my way of coming up with ideas. I find myself getting mired in minutiae; almost like being fixated. I have to remind myself to look at the big picture almost constantly. So am I now back to considering teaching again!? My brain is all over the place right now. I want to pick a direction and go with it. I don’t even fully understand or remember why I nixed teaching. Aaarrrggghhh!

Too much to think about! 😆

I am in the phase where I am starting to consider technology and architecture stacks for my business. Below is some of my brainstorming on the subject matter. I did get myself set up with a VoIP line and pretty cool number in my area code, 302. Obviously I am not sharing the number until I am fully ready to go. I don’t need the spam and robocalling just yet.

I think I have the rest of my technology stack worked out. The underlying operating system will be AlmaLinux 10. Since I am going to be small, the architecture can remain very simple. I’ll have two virtual servers, one to power my internal workflow and the other strictly for the website and e-commerce. I don’t expect to do a large volume on it as I will only be offering four services, so for now, simplicity is key.

So the entire stack for the website and e-commerce platform will be LEMP or Linux, eNGINX, MariaDB, and PHP with Valkey. For my internal processes, I will most likely go the route of LAMP or Linux, Apache, MariaDB, and PHP with Valkey. This will be robust enough for my needs. Again, I want to “Keep It Simple Stupid.” The key will be getting services restored quickly when they go down. I will continue to use Linux on the desktop.

I have concluded with careful consideration that it is time to table the idea of starting my own clothing and fashion design business. I had what I thought were some good ideas but when I ran them by some people, they were honest when they said that these ideas are nothing earth shattering. As hard as that was to hear, I am grateful for the honesty because it ended up saving me time and money. I actually don’t like being told what I want to hear. I would much rather honesty.

So it’s with this in mind that I am going back to my original plan on offering business 2 business services. So I am going to offer Project Management, Virtual CIO, Virtual Business Management, and Brand and Identity services. I will have to figure out the sales and marketing aspect because there are a large number of people that are doing things like this on a freelance basis. I would have to figure out my own little niche and way to differentiate myself.

I think if I can get a business started that offers 4 core services, that might be the better way to go about things. That much said this is a big if. I have a lot to think about now, including automation and workflow processes. Maybe I could build a thriving e-commerce business as well. It would be awesome if I could do 20-30K of revenue per month and that is a lofty goal. I want to narrow my focus because it seems like I am going off in several different directions; almost ADHD if you will.

As the old adage goes, “If you wait until your ready, you may never get past the point of readiness.” This essentially means that the biggest impediment to one’s success is one’s own fear, doubt, and uncertainty.

Today’s therapy appointment was really helpful. I fleshed out some ideas and I have decided to table the clothing and fashion idea for the time being. As fun as this would be, it’s something to explore later on down the road. For now, I am going to build a service business offering the following services:

• Virtual CIO Services
• Virtual Office Management Services.
  • PowerPoint presentations
  • Customer service
  • Receptionist
  • Appointment scheduling
  • Bookkeeping
  • Supply ordering
  • Billing and Invoicing
  • More
• Project Management Services
• Corporate Identity and Branding Services.

I think these four services could be a real starting point. I am going to make this customer centric. The customer can purchase services by the hour or in packs at a discount.

I am planning to use an e-commerce platform to make it easy to order the services with upfront and transparent pricing. It could also be on demand. I don’t know just yet. I also have to come up with a workflow and its associated processes. The process is exciting. If I could build a small name for myself that would be great.

I even took a good first step which was to secure a VoIP phone number and trunk. Now I have to consider branding for my own company. With that comes web stuff too. I’ve got a lot to tackle. It’s a matter of finding the time to weave all of this work in.

Unfortunately, it looks like Uber is not going to be a sustainable business model for me. The payouts from rides have dropped while operating expenses are only going up. This makes renting a vehicle through Uber even riskier a proposition. So I came back to my security guard position when my manager let me know that he had Thursday and Friday evenings available again. It’s time to retool my thinking yet again.

I am fine with going back to work for the man while I let my brain process the ultimate direction that I want to head. I have an idea for a clothing and fashion line. This is the direction I ultimately want to go because I crave creativity and not just being a cog in the machine. This year has been very difficult for me so far and I realize I just need to slow down and not to expect freedom right away. I am fine brainstorming.

The one thing that I am somewhat unsure of is how to attack this goal. Does it make sense to try to start an unrelated business and use that as a launchpad for the goal? Does it make better sense to just work on the goal? There are pluses and minuses to both. Maybe I am grasping at straws and looking for the next (potentially) big idea? What if it turns out that I actually end up hating what I thought I’d love? These are all some things that I will need to explore in therapy.

I guess I wish my attention span were a bit better but it’s a known fact that depression can shorten it. Well as they say, one thing at a time. It just dawned on me that it would be beneficial to prioritize my goals, wants, and needs. This could help me organize and come up with a strategy. Perhaps in doing this, I may discover that professional independence trumps everything. If that is the case, then building any sustainable business becomes the priority. It’s a lot to process and reflect on.

Today I was surprisingly productive, just not in the way I had originally planned. I learned a lot from a webinar on website planning. The webinar included a link to download a planning template which is really helpful. Now, I have something to kind of go on for when I start that phase.

Tomorrow will be an earnest attempt at the business plan template. I just want to get one or two sections of the template completed. I think that’s manageable. At most I will spend two hours on this. I want to feel like I’ve made some progress.

I am a bit disappointed that I gave in to my impulse to take a nap. I was just so tired I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I needed the nap but I wished I’d spent a little more time fighting this. I may pay for it with a lousy night’s sleep.

I have a lot that I would like to get accomplished today and almost all of it is related to my business. I really want to make some tangible progress on my business plan so I can feel good about this. The goal is to spend 2-4 hours on it and complete 2-4 sections. That’s a good example of a SMART goal. I like the idea of SMART goal settings. For those who do not know, SMART goals are specific, manageable, achievable, realistic, and time limited.

I think I’ll spend some time before my therapy appointment and some time just before my webinar working on this. All told that would be sufficient to make me feel like I’ve accomplished something. One step at a time, one moment at a time.

I just wish I didn’t feel so full of inertia. It’s the one downside to THC usage. The next day I feel, as I joke with Denisse, stoopid. Literally to the point of not being able to spell properly. My mind was nicely expanded last night and I thought about custom stationary designs as a business idea. Denisse gave me the idea for this and I want to continue to process the idea fully.

Just as I was headed to bed last night, I got some very welcome news of an easy security guard shift available. Yes, I had to get up early but in the end it is easy money so I am happy about that. My days of working hard are over and I am happy to do a cost/benefit analysis before taking a shift. The shift has to work for me every bit as I have to work on it.

I wish things would continue to get easy, however, they won’t. Life threw me a bone for today. It’s not even scraps, it’s merely a bone. I know I have two events this afternoon which I should be home in time for. One of these events is a webinar called, Manage Your Finances With Confidence Using Scalable Accounting Systems. The other is simply a telehealth appointment. I want to learn about what others in small business are doing.

I might do some work today using Claude. I want to use Claude to help me conduct some market research. I will have to remind Claude not to use its positive bias here as I need the truth. If I have a bad idea, I need to know that it’s a bad idea.

It is so hard to see my mom in such rapid decline as a result of Alzheimer’s. My mom had another fall and she’s clearly not remembering who I am but for brief moments. I feel like I am in a Salvador Dalí surrealistic painting. Maybe something like hell but I really don’t know.

I’m tired and fighting the potential for mental health relapse. It’s been a tough time all around. I don’t always know if I am getting worse or better. I don’t know what’s up, down, left or right anymore.

Again I had grand plans to go to the library and accomplish things. And yet again, it just isn’t going to happen. No sense in putting a square peg in a round hole. I’ll simply try again tomorrow.