I am feeling stressed and anxious this morning. Money is especially tight this month and it is making my anxiety very high. That and I am having to fight my health insurance company because they are not paying what they are supposed to be paying under the terms of Medicare Plan N and I just do not know how to fight them. I may have to forgo talk therapy this year until I can get on a Medicare Advantage plan. This is not going to do my mental health any justice whatsoever.
I briefly thought of going back to work full time but I nixed it because I don’t have a means of getting to and from work. The management trainee program that I considered applying to at Enterprise Rent a Car does not offer the take home car program. The take home car program is only for branch managers, not for assistant managers. So I would still be in the poor house. This was a sad disappointment.
I am between a rock and a hard place because even if I could go back to work, I cannot afford the transportation to and from work right now. I think I’ll just have to stay on disability for while longer. I am reminded that once in poverty, society makes it so much harder to climb out of it and I am at a loss for reasons why. You would think that it would be better to offer services to to get people out of poverty and help them be productive because it would be ultimately less expensive but society in the United States doses not work that way.
I am stressed out, frustrated, and sad. Jobs in IT right now are scarce and the economy isn’t real great right now where I live. I just don’t know what I am going to do other than to continue to trudge along collecting the miserly amount that I am on Social Security Disability. I don’t know what else to do. I am also angry at the system and angry at the Republicans. I am angry at my father who got scammed out of 78,000.00 when we warned him it was a scam and told him not to do it. Some of that money could have gotten me a car! It could have helped me get back on my feet.
All I want to do is sleep today away. I feel simply knocked out by life, like I have no bandwidth left at all. I want to do some studying of Red Hat Linux but I cannot muster the concentration so I am not even going to try. I think I am just going to ride these feelings out and maybe try later on today, possibly in the afternoon. But right now I am in no mood and forcing myself to do any work won’t do any good because I won’t retain any information.