The title is actually what I need to do today. My brain does not want to power up and its operating system does not want to load. I know the large part of the inertia is coming from simply not wanting to make the trek into a job that I detest with a work environment I loathe even more. What I do have control over is what I can do before work to lift up my spirits. I know I am a little excited over the book planning that I am doing so once the old brain is fully powered up, to work I go.

I am also hoping that Jewish Family Services of Delaware gets back to me. I am not religious in the least but their mental health program comes very highly rated from people of all walks life. At this point, I need high quality talk therapy as I am not getting better on medications alone.

For this morning, I want to settle on a system for writing. Since I don’t use Windows (or Mac) at home, I have to find an app stack that works well. I think I will just end up using LibreOffice Writer. While it is not quite the ideal tool, I can make it work well. At least yesterday, I managed to settle on a good working title for my book, Boostrapping Your Own Internet: A Step-by-Step Journey Through Linux and BSD Networking Labs. Maybe I will have it in me to create a rough table of contents.

Who knows? Maybe I can end up picking up a publisher and this thing could go completely legitimate. It would make my day.

I think that I might be actually getting braver, a bit more self-confident, and caring less what others think anymore. I got written up for calling out of work last Friday. The write-up came to me via email and I was expected to sign. Not only did I refuse to sign but I wrote in the comments box, “I do not sign these documents.” That put such a smile on my face. I feel like I have power and beg nobody for work. Better, more independent days are in front of me so my eyes are forward.

ChatGPT helped me generate the working title for my book, Bootstrapping Your Own Internet: A Step-by-Step Journey Through Linux & BSD Labs

I think I will pitch this to No Starch Press. I really like that publisher and hope they’ll bite. But they’re not going to bite if I don’t bait the hook and cast the rod. This is a good goal for me.

I don’t know if this is the positive bias of ChatGPT or if I really have something here. I am choosing to believe I have a worthwhile and fun idea. Some chapter ideas popped up:

• Data center-In-A-Box
• Overlay networks/SD-WAN
  DNS: How does it really work
• LAMP/LEMP Stacks
• Landing From The Clouds
  VPN
• Community Networks
• Privacy 
• VOIP telephony: Being My Own Ma Bell.
• Beyond Vendors or How I Overcame Name Recognition. 
• High Availability Computing

I definitely need a day of relaxation after yesterday’s emotional roller coaster. Yesterday took a a lot out of me and I feel spent faster than a five dollar bill at a flea market. I would, however, like to carve some time out for one of my goals which is to begin writing the IT book that I had in mind. I think I’ll have ChatGPT give me a few starter ideas. This is something fun and creative for me so fun and creative can be the antithesis to depressed and barely functioning.

I don’t truly know what mental challenges today will bring but I ask that there not be any. I need a day where I can coast right along and at least keep my worries at bay so I can enjoy the present. There! That is the key! Living in the present today. No future and no past; merely today.

Since I had that segue thought of writing an IT book for street creds into teaching, I feel pretty encouraged. This will be a fun way of showcasing the importance (and even fun) of learning and knowing how aspects of networks and systems operate, beyond the way of simply learning one vendor’s methodology. We all know how technology vendors come and go. So this morning, I shall give the creative juices a shake and a stir.

This is the third blog entry I’ve written today in an attempt to keep my sanity. I am at work and finding my anger rising. This is why it is time to write and I know it will be calming. It’s times like the present that I get why people simply snap. We reach a point where we can handle no more. Fortunately blogging is a healthy coping skill. I will feel better after writing this. I remind myself that snapping gives my power away. I want to retain my power and control. Losing control means giving my power to the system. This just won’t and cannot happen. As bad as things feel, that’s all they are: feelings.

I’ve learned to question my feelings as another form of coping skill. Let’s just say I question my negative feelings. I look at them and ask myself if I’ve got an accurate perspective. The answer is simply that I do not and scapegoating this anger will not do. Writing about it is good though. I feel more relaxed but tired.

On the flip side, my mind is coming up with some positive ideas. I’ve been thinking about ways to make money that might simply work after a fashion. I did come up with a book idea that might be fun to write: Wicked Cool IT Labs. This would be a book for the curious and the person who wants to experiment with computers, networks, and servers. Somewhere along the line it occurred to me that this could be an indirect segue into creating an IT Academy.

Being a published author could give me some street cred as a teacher, especially if my material is good, creative, and fun. I could also do some podcasting. Maybe I want to write out a list of goals for my life.

I’m done going above and beyond so I’m just going to do the bare minimum going forward. If that is quiet quitting, so be in. I’m actually taking my lunch break this time and taking it away from the desk. Whatever little work ethic I had remaining for the company I work for just got dashed. My supervisor is using his personal laptop to watch YouTube videos and shop online yet I got in trouble for using mine. Double standard much!?

It’s all I can do to keep from throwing my shit into my bag and walking straight the fuck out. I mean just taking a big old hike; peace out and nevermore. At 1:00, my shift will not even be half way over. I feel like I’m in a state of chattel slavery. I’m not even sure that I can use the expression but I don’t care. I didn’t even sign the write-up form. My boss reminded me that I need to do so. I think I’ll just ignore him. I don’t have to sign anything at all.

I did it! I made the reservation for Monday to get the car and start doing Uber. I’m actually proud of myself.