I’m so angry that I am bordering on an autistic meltdown. I have this one co-worker that seems to take particular delight in ordering me around even though she is not a supervisor and has been told so. Now I am upset. I have everything the benefit of the doubt. Now, I reported this in the chain of command. I only hope I don’t lose my job. I feel like I could explode right now. I must keep it together. I have to. I cannot afford to come unglued.

If I become unglued, then the bitch wins. I’m not letting her win. I’m just going to go about my business calmly and rationally. Or as best as I can at any rate. It’s times like these that I know I need DBT therapy. The trouble is DBT is not quite available for folks on Medicare. Nobody in Delaware that does DBT accepts this insurance.

This blog is my coping skill right now. I need to get my thoughts out of my head and this is working. I don’t want this co-worker living rent free in my head anymore. I’m going to keep my eyes on the prize: self employment. The journey begins next week at the Delaware Department of Labor. I’m trying to be realistic here. It’s going to be awhile before I will earn enough to be independent of this security job that I have now. Patience is in order.

I’ve got to calm down. This isn’t good for my heart and circulatory system. I’m going to have a heart attack if I don’t figure out how to master this. I’m headed for a widowmaker if I don’t figure it out. But I’m determined not to die until I, at least, make the effort at business. I hope I can get approved by the DE Department of Labor so I can begin to break free.

I just have to make it to August 26th and my meeting. I can do that. Hell, I can make it to tomorrow. Staff meeting tomorrow will give us pizza. I’ll get an hour of overtime as well.