I have to go to work today and I definitely do not feel like going. I have absolutely no motivation and I don’t know why but I feel the weight of the world today. I am feeling a bit on the depressed side, like things are hopeless so why should I even soldier on. I think though that this is just how I am feeling today. I’m just having a rough go at it today and I know it is okay not to be okay. I wish I could dig deep into my energy reserves to bring forth the motivation but it won’t happen.
The bad news seems in the world keeps coming and I just cannot escape it at this point. The only way would be to unplug and I cannot completely unplug because my home lab gives me joy and passion. Maybe what I need to do is get off all forms of social media today, Mastodon included, and work on the aspect of computing that does give me joy which is the learning side? Sometimes learning is hard when in the throes of depressive episode though.
I am trying to look on the bright side of things because at least I will be by myself at work tonight once the building shuts down sometime between 6 and 7. Solitude does suite me very nicely. Once the building shuts down and I turn off the lobby lights, I can enjoy the darkness and relax. I know a lot of change is in the winds and I am concerned about how I will handle it. If I am to be truthful, I know that reality is setting in and I am less confident about my ability now to be a mental health therapist.
I guess that confidence will only come with education and time. I am also concerned because I seem to be tired all of the time but that could be related to medication. I wish caffeine would do more for me because it seems like I need a nap. My girlfriend says that I do not snore so I don’t have obstructive sleep apnea. I think I am just going to have to dig deep into my energy reserves and work hard hard. I have some real challenges ahead for this semester. I want that 4.0 GPA so I will need to earn it. I want to do well for my own satisfaction and future.