I had grand plans for today but it’s just not going to happen. I’m tired from a week’s worth of caregiving to my elderly mother whom has advanced Alzheimer’s and the beginnings of dementia. Caregiving is mentally and emotionally exhausting. It’s hard seeing my mom decline in health as she is very precious to me.
Yesterday was particularly difficult for me and I was grateful to have Denisse come with me. It even brightened, albeit briefly, my mom’s spirits. My mom had a moment where she did not recognize me and thought I was about to do her harm. That affected me deeply as I know that it’s not her true thinking. I know Alzheimer’s can cause dementia and paranoia.
My mother is a woman ahead of her time. She has two master’s degrees: one in history and another in mathematics. Her mentor for her history degree felt her thesis was dissertation quality so he had it published under her name. Her thesis was about the Salem Witch Trials and is available in the University of Pennsylvania archives. At that time, it was unheard of for a woman with only a master’s degree to have something so worthy of publication.
So in essence, and at the sagely advice of Denisse, I’m beginning the process of mourning now so that when my mom is ready to die, I shall celebrate her life and mourn her passing. I think ultimately that this advice will make the entire process easier to progress through.
The bottom line is that I am spent and need a day of watching movies with my special Denisse. Productivity will have to wait until tomorrow.
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