Black Cat Blog

Thoughts, Stories, and Ideas

Category: Personal

  • Feeling a Sense of Defeat

    Yesterday, my boss sent me a text with some bad news that I think he really did not want to deliver because he is truly a good and decent guy. While I do not like the job and I hate the company, the same cannot be said for Chris. I feel that Chris could be headed for bigger and better things than OPS and I would give him one hell of a recommendation if he ever asked me. Hell, I’d be honored. I digress though because the bad news is that the company lost one of the contracts I was working on.

    I split my time between as a security guard between two sites to get to 40 hours. I work at a police department monitoring city cameras for 16 hours a week and city hall for 24. The police department decided to terminate the contract for under performance effective June 1st. The police department elected to save money by reducing staffing from two evening shift guards to one and three day shift guards to two. So the supervisor was actually fired as he was the one of the guards under performing. I was cut because I was only working 2 days a week anyways.

    OPS does not really have anything else for me at the moment other than where I am presently working. There is one site but it is quite a bit further away and not easily accessible. It’s also more like lite police work, dealing with addicts and transients. This is something I do not want to do. I sought out another company that elected to take a pass on me. There are postings for armed positions but the expense of obtaining that license upgrade is not insignificant.

    So I feel defeated. I feel like my next logical step is to try and get Uber off the ground to fund a business venture. I was watching a YouTube video with Denisse and the person wisely observed that traditionally self-employment was riskier than traditional employment, but in these days and times, it has flipped. It’s getting impossible to find work. It used to be that you could always find work as a security guard. Now that is not even true anymore.

    I am really not enthusiastic about this but I am taking the walk to the local Avis that serves Uber drivers to see what it’s going to take to rent the car and get this venture started. I am anxious and nervous about doing this but I have to get it done. I need a way to earn money. I am getting older and this is increasingly difficult. Corporations don’t like hiring the older worker despite incentives to do so. We are seen as liabilities instead of assets. Is it because of health insurance costs? Is it because we are seen as less capable of learning and adapting? I just don’t know. I love to learn new skills and develop new capabilities.

    Yet again, I find myself having to escape the jaws of defeat. The difference is that I am now older and the perception is that I am somehow no longer capable of working a traditional job, despite having the skills to do so. Who knows? I might find I actually enjoy doing Uber. Maybe it could lead to some opportunities that I am not considering because I am in such a depressed state. I truly do not know what the answer is.

    The only thing I know for certain is that times are crazy and we have even crazier leadership. Trump and his cronies want to build a ballroom that will cost north of a billion dollars and everyday people like myself are hurting. Trump starts a war with Iran and he probably does it to further enrich himself, his family, and the defense industry. I am almost certain that Trump has investments in Big Defense.

  • I Feel Somewhat Better

    It is amazing what a good night’s rest will do for the body and mind. I honestly feel somewhat better this morning. At the very least, I feel better than I have in several days. I am just waiting for Denisse to wake up and then the two of us can enjoy a nice breakfast and catch up on some more of our favorite shows. At some point today, I want to take a walk to the local Avis rental location that services Uber drivers just to see what monies I need to make this Uber venture happen. I’m over and done with OPS Security Group and security in general.

    It will feel good to reduce security to a weekend gig. I just want to use that to offset a slower week or two. But now that we are getting into the summer season, I expect that things are going to get busier. So, I guess I won’t really be completely rid of OPS but I will be rid of the worst parts of it which are at the Wilmington Police Department and those two 4 hour dock shifts where I don’t really get any personal work accomplished. 16 hours on the weekend is 544 bi-weekly with a rough take home of 408. That could potentially offset a bad week. I could also potentially pick up extra hours one week at OPS if need be.

    All-in-all I think I have a solid plan. It does mean that I will have to work hard. But it will be in spurts versus continuously so I can get rest in between the spurts. This may not be so bad but I will have to wait and see while I get things dialed in. Mostly it will be nice to have access to a car with unlimited personal miles. Even better that is an EV.

    I will have to sit down and churn the numbers to see how feasible this will be. It will do a lot for my mental health to say (mostly) goodbye to what I hate doing and have some more control in my own life.

  • Time For a Change

    I have been miserable now for too long doing work in security and I see that the local Avis that is a few blocks from where I stay has cars again, specifically the Chevy Bolt EVs. I am thinking about renting one for $260.00 a week and using it on the Uber platform. I am going to say a permanent goodbye to OPS Security Group as it seems like it’s just a dead end job and I hate it. It’s making me thoroughly miserable and unhappy. Perhaps I can drive on the platform and still make enough money to make ends meet but there is only one way to find out and that’s to actually do it.

    I am at my wit’s end and I am tired of having doors closed on me. I don’t even have any expectations anymore other than grand failure. I am a failure. I may be smart but I just fail at everything I do. I do not even expect to succeed at Uber. It will just be happy circumstances if I do. At least electricity is cheaper than gas. I am so sad I could just bawl my eyes out. If I could have some success at Uber, I just might feel better.

    I really want some 7-OH to take away the immense physical pain I am in right now. My feet hurt all of the time. I also want some restorative sleep which I will have to wait for, at the minimum, Monday afternoon when I can take a nap.

  • Working Second Shift

    Today I feel pretty darned good because I will be working at my favorite site, the Louis L. Redding City/County Building. This building is both the New Castle County seat and Wilmington City Hall. On weekends the building is locked completely down to the general public and it is collecting a paycheck. I enjoy the work very much because there is plenty of time for me to pursue my own interests and go down rabbit holes and warrens on my laptop. This kind of exploration is tons of fun for me.

    This morning, or should I say afternoon now, has started out positive. I know I should not be doing things like kratom alkaloids but they really help me sleep and relieve pain like nothing else. They are available at the local smoke and vape shop. After a mistake that my manager made, I unknowingly took a fill-in standing shift on Thursday. I am a pretty advanced type 2 diabetic so I was in agony by the end of the day. Since I had expected to have a seated shift, I did not have my cane with me so I limped to the bus stop and limped home from the bus stop closest to home.

    By the time I got home, there were stabbing pains in my feet. My kind, compassionate, and lovely Denisse went to get some 7-OH for me to help relieve the pain and it was instant. The pain was at an 11/10. I have a high threshold for pain and discomfort so if it was that bad, you know I was hurting. Anyhow, I still had some residual pain yesterday but I made the relatively poor choice to do the kratom alkaloid again last night but to dull the emotional pain and sadness I was experiencing.

    Again, my lovely Denisse sat with me through it all. Damn but I love this woman to pieces. At times she may get under my skin a little, but when push comes to shove, she means the world to me and I wouldn’t trade her for anybody else. We are coming up on our 2 year anniversary in August.

    So today the name of the game is to get through the afternoon and evening incident free! The idea is to enjoy the peaceful shift and re-think some book ideas that I have.

  • Reason to Smile

    After a shit day yesterday, I have a reason to smile this morning. After my 4 hour waste of time of a shift, I am headed to the Securitas office for their hiring event to hopefully get a job offer and ditch this miserable excuse for a company called Oracle Protective Services where I work at now. They hit my last straw on Sunday night where I was told I had to use my personal cell phone in performance of my duties and I get no reimbursement for that. Well, things are going to change.

    I know Securitas is what it is but they suck less than OPS. Hopefully they have something that is tolerable where I am not splitting my time between sites and constantly having my hours changed. Once my background check and drug test come back clean, I’m quitting OPS without notice because fuck the 2 week courtesy notice. Companies fire you without notice so turnabout is fair play. I just have to cross my fingers that all will be good.

    If all isn’t good, I have a backup option at VGM and it’s not a bad option either. It will be harder work and longer hours but at least I will be in the driver’s seat. That’s still a reason to smile. Man I hate America. This country is a shit hole country that saw fit to elect one of the worst of human scum and least fit to run a 7-Eleven, let alone a nation. I would leave ‘murica with my fiancee if we could afford to do so. Well, at any rate, I do hope today will be a better day.

    I really want to tell OPS to pound sand and I am hoping today will be the day. Yes, I do like my manager personally but this is business, not personal. I like him but I hate this cheap ass company that basically beats up its employees. Instead of paying us what we are worth, paying us weekly, and giving us reimbursements for using our personal devices to perform the duties of our jobs, they throw us a shiny object called Jolly. Jolly is some points system where we can earn points towards discounts. Problem: you need tens of thousands of points to make it worthwhile and you earn only 10 points at a time. It’s a fucking gimmick.

    But I am smiling because I think today will be the beginning of the end of my year long tenure at one of the worst places I’ve ever worked at – a big fucking joke that’s not even funny. I am done helping out OPS. I won’t even volunteer for extra shifts or anything of that nature. They can go to hell except for my manager. I genuinely wish him well. I’d like to see him look for better employment because he’s capable of so much more.

  • Another Day At Work

    It’s just another Sunday at work but I am not unhappy to be hear. I am going to be earning money at a site that I mostly like. It is very easy to work and I am alone in a locked building. I do not think that I can ask for more than that as a simple pleasure. The only problem was that this weekend I had to work an odd shift, 1625-2300. My boss’ boss wanted to avoid the overtime so he had the part-timer work a little more. I got screwed out of extra money. This made me a bit upset but I don’t really matter.

    The fact that my schedule is odd made transportation tough because of the bus schedule. In order to not risk being late and lose more money, I had to arrive almost two hours early and wait in the break room. At least I had my laptop to keep me busy and I could further research a home lab networking problem. As a result, I was able to solve the problem so when I get home, I can implement the solution at some point.

    But I have to work tomorrow morning from 0700-1100 so as soon as I get home, I am going to be in dead and drifting off to sleep. I really would like to have a couple of days off. I am tired and this is getting difficult. I did the math on the VGM driving opportunity and it does not look terrible, provided getting to and from the vehicle pickup site is not too expensive. This part will be a wait and see game.

    I am just too tired to continue to work on my book today. I am also thinking about my home lab. I really want to complete it so that it is up, running, and remotely accessible. I’d like to join mine with others’ labs to have fun and experiment.

  • Exhaustion

    I have hit the point of exhaustion where not even caffeine gives me a boost anymore. When I get home from work, I am going straight to bed where I hope to fall asleep and get as close to 6 hours as possible. Denisse and I have breakfast with mom at about 7:30. I plan on rolling out of bed at 7, taking my medicine, and then getting our ride to mom’s memory care facility squared away. I am looking forward to having a good breakfast, and spending time, with her.

    At my age and physical health, it is hard working 6-7 days a week but I kind of have to at the moment. It may only be temporary though. But temporary or not, it is still difficult. I am too tired to work on my home lab hobby at the moment. I was hoping to be far enough along that I could do a few things remotely but that will not happen. Sleep this evening will be far more important.

    I have lost interest in writing a book. I thought it would be fun but it turns out it is tedious. Well, maybe the approach I am taking is tedious. I haven’t been able to find dictation software for Linux so I’ve been stuck with actual writing and I find I prefer the dictation because it lets me get comfortable and pump out ideas from a stream of consciousness. I don’t know. Maybe the scope of the book has gotten out of hand and I am trying to appeal to too large an audience. I don’t really know. I know I am too tired to work on the book right now.

    I am too tired to think.

  • Scammers

    I have written posts on Linked In about signs that you are about to be scammed. I’ve written the same posts on Nextdoor. Well wouldn’t you know it? Today I got scammed and it hurt badly. I lost $50 via Apple Pay on a moving scam. Here is the entire story:

    I reached out to somebody on TrashNothing. This person is not the scammer. Anyhow, she was offering a king bedroom set in beautiful condition. I was planning on getting it for my fiancée. In a sweet way she complained about me taking up so much space in our queen. But I love her so much that I started looking. And sure enough this came up.

    Today one mover flaked out completely. So I tried reaching out to somebody else and they ended up taking my money. I’m not into victim blaming but this one was my fault. He wanted me to pay half up front via Apple Pay on a telephone number other than what he contacted me on. That should have been the red flag that ended it.

    Sadly, I was desperate to get this bedroom set for the absolute love of my life. Desperation and emotion clouded my better judgement and I fell hook, line, and sinker for it. Well, once bitten, twice shy. I will only deal in cash now and only when the job is completed.

    I went to ApplePay with a tone of contrition in the hopes of getting my $50 back. Once the money is sent, there’s no going back. I felt sick to my stomach when I realized that loss represents 4 hours of work. I get paid $17 an hour. 1 hour of work with tax deductions works out to be roughly $12.75 per hour.

    Scammers are parasites and predators. They seek out innocent and trusting targets and exploit them. Scammers should face consequences similar to sex offenders. They should be required to register on a database and I do not say this lightly because I am generally anti-government but this is where the government and I agree. Don’t hurt your fellow class members. Don’t exploit the vulnerable, and furthermore, never exploit children.

  • Some Interesting Things

    I am excited and a bit nervous about the new bedroom set that I am about to get today. Well, it’s new to me at any rate but it is in good condition and looks nice. I am nervous about the mess it is going to create because I won’t be able to set it up right away. Things will be cramped for a short period while I try to sell what I have now which is a queen-sized bed and two end tables. I really want the larger bed because I am a bigger guy and I am practically forcing Denisse to the bare end of the bed.

    I am super motivated today to clean stuff up. I credit Denisse and I wanting a larger bedroom set. I found a beautiful one available for free from TrashNothing. TrashNothing is one of those truly awesome sites for finding freebies and giving away stuff that you no longer want. I love it. I am going through my electronics and wholy shit do I have a lot. I have so many charging cords that it is sick. I guess I might have had the tendency to hoarde so I am nipping this in the bud right now! I don’t want to be a hoarder at all.

    But I am super motivated on my own to clean up and that’s a good thing. The spring cleaning is necessary and I am actually feeling better about doing it. I feel like my cabinets will be nicely organized and that I will ultimately benefit. This project is actually lifting my spirits. I’ve really got to stop hoarding electronics. I seem to have that tendency because I think I’ll need them one day and it turns out that I never do.