I am feeling this incredible wave of sadness sweep over me. I know it is both chemical and situational. I feel sorry for myself, sad that I have not been better to Denisse, and I feel like giving up. It seems that life is throwing a lot of obstacles in my face. I just learned that I need to make an additional Lyft trip this week which really puts a dent into my earnings. I did not see this happening and it is just making me sigh and want to cry a lot. I am an awful human being and deserve the misery that I am getting from life. I 100% am responsible for what I’ve done.

This is a really potent sadness wave too! Yikes, I am sitting here and I feel like crying into my drink. I feel like a child trapped in an adult’s body and I still struggle with navigating life. I really don’t know how I am going to make it (or if I even will.) I don’t know why I feel so bad. I feel like I wouldn’t be upset if a bus or car were to hit me. The fact is I don’t matter really. I don’t understand the mental health campaign about “You matter.” Who do I matter to? The simple fact is that life in America is that I only matter if I can produce. I feel like I won’t be able to produce anymore.

The sadness wave has left me exhausted enough that I am falling asleep simply thinking. It never fails to affect me just how potent negative feelings are. They’re soul crushing and exhausting. I wish some of this could vanish. I wish things could get easier but they won’t. I’ll just have to keep trudging through life I guess.