The last time I felt this hopeless, I wound up in a behavioral health hospital. So what’s different this time? I’m using my skills. I’m using my coping skills. When I was in my 20s, I had thought seriously about running guns or selling drugs because I had such difficulty finding work. My thoughts are turning back to that. I now understand Walter White from Breaking Bad. I am beyond sympathetic. I’m empathetic. What else can you do when faced with the impossible?

I’m using one of the best DBT techniques out there: a rubber band around my left palm. It has just enough tension that I can feel. Oddly, it’s calming. My therapist taught me this technique. I may need to pull out all stops to keep calm and survive the rough patch. I have to. I have no other choice. I want to get it in gear for August 26th. I want to be ready for the important first step towards entrepreneurship. The road ahead will be long and hard but rarely is anything worth doing easy.

If my business teaching computers happens to do well, I’m legit going to be happy because I will be out of the rat race that I am in. I’ll be doing what I love and hopefully spark a passion from my students. Eyes on the prize. Less than 5 days now.