Acceptance
I have reached a kind of Zen-like acceptance about my life and there is some relief and peace in having reached this status. I have Autism and a mental illness so trying to get mentally healthy again is taking too much energy to handle while working a full time job. Thus, I am going back on Social Security Disability and I have applied for subsidized housing through NAMI. I have also applied for Medicaid and SNAP, the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program. I really did not foresee all of this going down and but rather than feel full of self blame right now, I simply accept that these are the steps that I must take.
From 2016 through 2022, I was on Social Security Disability until I became healthy enough to pick up a full time job. Then things unraveled and I find myself back in the same set of circumstances I was in. However, this time re-qualifying for Social Security Disability is easier because I am still within the five year window of benefits ending in 2022 so the process is called Expedited Reinstatement or EXR. I just have to attend a hearing on April 24th and produce some documentation of which I have plenty.
Unfortunately, I effectively spent from January 17th to February 28th in the Behavioral Health Unit of Wilmington Hospital getting stable on medication and at least not be actively suicidal. The next step is a partial hospitalization program. I am fortunate enough that my Medicare Part A hospitalization is still active. So despite having resigned from my full time job, I will be covered in the partial hospitalization program and off to Rockford Center's program I will be. This is a good program as well which will offer transportation to and from the facility as well as two meals and an afternoon snack.
Before starting the Rockford Center program, I have to voluntarily surrender my leased car because I won't be able to afford the payments any longer and Hyundai does not permit transferring of the lease to another party. I accept that I simply have to prioritize putting a roof over my head and food in my body over the convenience of a car. I will need to depend upon public transportation and a bicycle going forward: it simply is what it is and it is out of my control. I am not looking forward to the credit hit but I have no control over the situation. I accept that this is the situation I am facing. I turn my car in on Wednesday, March 20th.
In the coming weeks, I have to give away to charity, or through Freecycle, a substantial amount of my possessions because they won't be able to come with me to the subsidized housing. The subsidized housing is a large bedroom with a private bathroom in a shared house. I will only be able to bring a small amount of my furniture with me and I don't quite know all of what I will and will not be able to bring. I am in the process of giving away what I know for a fact that I will not be able to bring.
The last and final piece of the puzzle is therapy. Unfortunately, I am on a waiting list for therapy with Christiana Care. I suppose I could find something sooner if I went outside of the organization but it behooves me to keep all of my care under the auspices of one single organization. It will make it easier when it comes time for documentation to provide the Social Security Administration. I do hope something comes up soon though. I am juggling a lot of balls in the air right now.