The best piece of advice that I’ve ever been given was to become more of an active listener and observer. I know my parents drilled that into my autistic brain but it took a long time to percolate. Throughout my life I have had difficulty with social skills and it was really because I talked a lot and did not listen enough. I think I talked a lot due to nervousness or being uncomfortable. I don’t really know why. My brain made the official connection much later in life when I was in my early 40s.
Unfortunately, the connection came when I had to go to a funeral with an ex-girlfriend of mine, Amanda. I was privately in a tizzy because the last funeral I went to was when I was a young teenager and I have no memory. I had no idea how to act and I did not want to cause further harm or trauma to the family. It then dawned on me that I do not have to be the first in line to offer condolences. I can observe and copy what other people do. I could observe what works and what does not work based on the behavior of others.
This was one heck of a personal breakthrough. Not only did I behave appropriately, but I got a hug from one of the family members for my kind and genuine words. I’ll consider that a win, because overnight, my social skills improved a great deal. I noticed that people were receiving me better and I was able to have much better interactions with others. It made passing for normal less exhausting and trying.
So yes, listening and observing more and talking less helps me to not put my foot in my mouth as frequently. Yes, I still do say things awkward once in a while but this is closer to normal than abnormal. If I have one regret it is that I did not listen and observe more. I know my parents tried to really get this into my head, but for some reason, my brain never made the connection. Now that I have this pathway, life has improved. Still, I hate having to pass for normal and it is mentally and physically exhausting. When I get home, I simply collapse.