The title pretty much sums it up. I’m done! I’ve had it up to here with how difficult it is to live in the United States. I guess I’m learning how difficult AI makes things for the working class. AI benefits the billionaire class and large corporations. It makes doing business very difficult if you’re just plebeian.

AI makes it easier for the wealthy and corporations to charge money for a service they’re not actually providing. AI makes it easier for the wealthy to basically steal more money from us. I feel like a victim and I’ve had enough of being one. I advocate stealing back what was stolen from us.

I’m going to fuck around at work and collect my paycheck. I’m not going to do crap to help anyone. Let them send me home! I don’t care anymore and it’s relieving. I’m just going to do what benefits me and my family. I’m done being a people-pleaser. You don’t like me? Wipe your ass with sandpaper for all I care.

Every decision I make must be to benefit myself and my family. If you are asking me to do something that won’t provide an actual financial benefit to me, then the answer is, “No thank you. But good luck with that.” 🤣 I’m laughing and feeling free at the same time. Freedom is knowing what you’re worth and not accepting less than that. I’m starting to realize my worth.

I’m surprised that I am actually feeling good today. Yes, I do have to go to work but I’m oddly okay with it. I cannot really explain the good feeling but I definitely won’t bemoan it. Instead, I’m just going to ride it out and hope it lasts all day.

Some of this good feeling has got to be related to restarting the use of THC. Nothing else seems to work but I want to be very careful and not overuse. I also have to make a plan for Saturday. I want to work on my business and be ready for the coming week.

I’ll park my happy ass at the North Wilmington Branch Library for a couple of hours on Saturday and be as productive as I can. I would like to work on the technology side of business.

Yet here we are in the United States where everything and everyone is seen as a business transaction. I don’t like it but I don’t have the power to fight city hall. Instead, I’m going to make decisions that best benefit myself and Denisse.

My manager asked me to work a 10a-4p shift. I took a very powerful moment to decide carefully if this is what I really want and will it benefit me. I needed to make up money I lost yesterday due to the Uber debacle. A quick calculation with transit costs revealed that I would make up what I lost with a little extra so I agreed. I used to just agree to help out because I am, by nature, a people pleaser so this was a huge step in taking back my power.

I like being more careful in my decision making and I like considering the needs of me and my family first. Being a people pleaser caused me to be easily taken advantage of in corporate. People pleasing ate away at my mental health like acid chews through metals.

I plan to give Uber another try on Monday. I’ve got what I think is a solid plan but I’m going to have all of my i’s dotted and t’s crossed. For now, I have 23.5 hours until my next security guard shift. The plan is to relax and spend quality time with my baby girl.

Despite yesterday’s Uber debacle, I feel surprisingly good. My boss offered me a reasonable shift so I can make up some of the money I lost yesterday. In business, everything will always be a learning experience. Now I know and I am no longer beating myself up. Plus, this shift will only be 6 hours so it’s very doable.

In a weird sort of way, I am okay with paying out of pocket for the first week’s rental. It relieves some pressure on me and will allow me to learn. I recovered remarkably well from yesterday. I dare say I am proud of being able to ground myself and get going again.

I have to think of some goals for today. I wish I could have my laptop but I guess some asshats complained so I can’t bring it in any longer. I feel weirdly optimistic. I don’t know if it is misplaced but I will roll with it.

I know some goals that I would like to work on today. I know that Uber is really only going to be my gateway into self-employment. It’s not something for the long term. I see myself more of offering services or doing IT career training.

While this morning was very challenging from both an autistic and mental health standpoint, I can honestly say that I came out of this one surprisingly strong. I had a meltdown because I was way overstimulated. In previous times, I think this might have lead to me shutting down completely. Instead, I relied on some coping skills and I am proud of myself for doing better.

I did not know when I was headed to pick up my Uber rental car so that I can earn money on the platform, that I would have to pay in full for my first week’s rental. After that, they deduct your fares until you hit the weekly cost. So naturally I had spent time and money on getting to the rental location which is not exactly nearby. The meltdown came on while I was at the rental location but I managed to hold it together. Of course I am exhausted now.

I don’t know how I avoided a serious mental health collapse but I did it. I thought at one point I was afraid that I’d need emergency help. But damn if I did not do what had to be done. I did it and I am safe. So if there is a silver lining to this cloud, I know that I have more fortitude than I even I could’ve guessed I had.

I was hoping to get a few administrative things done with the downtime I have but it’s just not going to happen and that is perfectly okay. For now, it will simply be incumbent on me to relax and do some mindless things.