Today I saw my prescribing doctor and he and I made some medication changes which I hope might bring about a desired result. I am still very depressed and have moments when that mixes with anger and frustration. I told him that my ability to concentrate is still very poor and I’ve been unable to work on my desired goals as a result. He now thinks I might have autism with a comorbidity of ADHD so we are going to try some non-stimulant treatment for the inattentive type of ADHD.
I am currently taking a combination of Effexor and Remeron which have been somewhat effective for me. The problem is that mornings are still impossibly difficult and I shared that. However, my doc doesn’t want to increase Remeron (taken before bed) because it would decrease the efficacy of Clonodine, the medication that I take for PTSD. So we are going to try an increase of Effexor from 225mg to 300mg. It is on the high side and there is concerns that at the upper level, it might cause an additional release of dopamine which might not be good. But we are going to try it.
I feel okay about trying this in the hopes that things get a little bit better. I like how my doc doesn’t want to make more than one change at a time as he wants to see what the one change will bring about. He says that if in 4 week’s time that my concentration and ability to focus do not improve, we will look at adding the non-stimulant treatment for ADHD.
I am still pretty profoundly depressed and at a disadvantage because I cannot afford therapy right now. The best I can do is really to participate in peer-lead mental healthy recovery groups through NAMI. I explained this to my doc and then he felt it would be even more important not to make drastic medication changes. I may be profoundly depressed, but I am not suicidal and both of us don’t want to risk suicidal ideation or a trip back to the hospital.
Right now the thing that is most important is getting enough productive sleep and keeping my mood enough so that I don’t have thoughts of suicide or self-harm. I just need to be stable enough to make it through the day. I also need to be stable enough to make it through this move. I really like and trust my doc. He even agreed to allow me to see him virtually next time as I will be moving further away and it would turn into an hour and a half bus ride one way just to see him. That was something of a relief.
I have to keep reminding myself to take it one day at a time and that it is okay not to be okay!
Leave a Reply