I’m trying to stay positive but struggling. I did feel very good about my new therapist, Adrianna. She works with Jewish Family Services of Delaware. It took me a while to reach out to them because I’m secularly Jewish. The last thing that I want or need is to be converted to a faith. I derive my spirituality through Zen meditation. It’s perhaps the philosophy and the act of sitting in silence that has been the most beneficial to me from a mental health standpoint.

I find myself going between despair and hope depending on the day. I need to share this blog with Adrianna because I think it might help her help me. It might provide some real insight for her. But it might be confusing too because these things tend to be a stream of consciousness.

I did manage to grab Small Business For Dummies (Tyler 2024) from the library to re-read. When the next edition comes out, I’ll buy it so I can have a good desk reference. I don’t know why I am so nervous and scared about getting this business off of the ground. It could be that as I age I’m becoming more risk averse. It could also be that I failed at business three times before

Do I have realistic expectations? I believe that I do for Uber but I want to do a whole lot more. Uber is really going to be bootstrapping my other ideas. Maybe I need a brainstorming session simply to come up with ideas. I have to get over this feeling that I am a failure.

I want to spend more time at the library because I am usually very productive there. I do my best thinking at the library.

I no longer see AI has something to be loathed and feared. I’m starting to seeing a real value proposition in the tool. The technology has the potential to democratize entrepreneurship. It makes things like web development more accessible to people with limited startup funds. It helps the budding entrepreneur to get their businesses off the ground.

But let us not overhype the technology because it is no panacea for all of the problems startups face. Much like a wrench or a screwdriver, it is a tool and an imperfect one at that. Use AI to help you learn and to help fill some knowledge gaps. AI is also not an excuse to turn critical thinking off. It’s been my experience that the better small businesses owners continue to think critically, i.e they need to be able to discern when AI is just plain incorrect.

I’m not ashamed to admit that I used AI to design a logo for my business. I’m currently using it to build WordPress and WooCommerce themes since I’m not a software engineer and I don’t have $5,000 dollars to drop to make this happen.

I won’t use AI to design legal contracts, or for that matter anything to do with legal matters at all. This is best left to a human attorney. Similarly, medicine is left to professional humans as well.

I know I need to carve out more free time so that I can work, in earnest, on my business. I feel like I am neither being efficient nor making good use of my free time. I want to spend some serious time on Friday and Saturday at the library. I’m most effective when at the library.

I really want to start Uber soon. It’s going to be my gateway on the path towards better things. I just wish I was not afraid, fearful, and full of doubt. It seems like each time I make the rental reservation, I end up canceling because of this fear, uncertainty, and doubt.

On the upshot, I started working with a new therapist that I already feel comfortable working with. She’s very kind and understands autism because her older brother is on the spectrum. I think she may know how to treat me effectively. I would like to be able to see her twice a week but I don’t know if I can afford to do this just yet.

I thought for the longest time that I would prefer a male therapist being a guy myself. Turns out I was wrong and prefer having a woman. I feel hopeful that she will be able to help me. I need a self-esteem and self-confidence boost. I find myself looking forward to my next appointment on Tuesday, March 3rd.

I think after a week or two of doing Uber, I might build some comfort level. I’m nervous around strangers. I want to give this a shot to see how viable it really will be. If I can average $26 per hour or around 0.85 to 0.90 per mile, I might just do okay.

I have some goals that I want to run by my therapist and I hope she will not placate me. I want her honest truth. I can take disappointing news and I accept the honesty of it. I don’t want to be falsely filled with hope.

I’m relieved that this snowstorm did not impact my area significantly. I really did not want to deal with a major storm as I’m exhausted from this brutally cold winter. I could seriously go for some 60 degree temperatures right about now. I’m also really tired today. I think at least some of the exhaustion is just due to how difficult times are.

I’ll feel even better if I could manage to get some things accomplished today that are business related. I’ll make a goal to get something accomplished today – I might do it later this afternoon or this evening. The libraries are closed today and I’m normally most productive in that environment. I know I do best when I don’t work from home. There are too many distractions for me. But simply because it does not work for me, doesn’t mean that it isn’t good for many.

I don’t necessarily work well from an office either. I still need a quiet place to get things done and the library is my sanctuary. I get a lot accomplished in a short amount of time at the library. In 3 hours at the library, I often get more done than 6 hours at home.

I think once I get my planned business started and making money, I will have to get some sort of brick and mortar space for which to operate from. But this is quite a ways down the pike. I still don’t know if operating my own information technology training academy is feasible. I think it’s a good idea but I’ve had ideas in the past that I’ve thought were good; they weren’t.

I had a bit of a late start this morning. I thought it would be nice to have a “special” breakfast with my honey, Denisse. By special, I mean McDonald’s. It was nice for her to have a Sausage McMuffin meal and I enjoyed a Chicken McGriddle meal. It’s a nice breakfast on a rainy morning. I’m so not looking forward to the oncoming blizzard. I hope they fuck up this forecast.

I really want to spend time building my business today. I want to give Claude Code a go. I’ll vibe code themes for my business and store. I really hate AI, but in a lot of ways, it helps lower the entry barriers for new businesses. Web design can be very expensive. If Claude Code could do this for me, I’d benefit tremendously. There’s no way I could afford to pay a web designer right now.

I have the advantage of being an IT professional so I can setup my own infrastructure. A part of me wonders what hiring someone to code a WordPress and WooCommerce theme but I don’t want to give it to an Indian company. I’d rather use AI than offshore. I wonder what US-based independent designers are charging nowadays.

I feel morally and ethically troubled by using AI knowing that I’m putting somebody out of work. But I just don’t have the money right now to consider other options and I need to get things done.