Black Cat Blog

Thoughts, Stories, and Ideas

Category: Mental Health

  • I’ve Learned Some Things

    Apparently I have learned some things about network bridging that I never knew and it improved my mood to the point where waking up after only 5 hours of effective sleep was not so bad. I had no idea how powerful a tool it could be. Since I actually woke up before my alarm I decided to try what I learned from ChatGPT, and lo and behold, it worked. And I know why. It’s important that I know why too.

    Well I’m going to work a short shift today. I’m not thrilled about it but I am not unhappy either. The work is easy though and not stressful. I’m hungry as hell right now and can’t wait for some food to come my way. I ordered some from DoorDash so I can eat. I need to start working on the Uber platform soon. It will be working 7 days a week and hurting badly.

    I can feel my good mood going away. I just feel tired and bitter. I don’t know why life must be so damned difficult. Learning is not even enough anymore.

  • Another Day At Work

    It’s just another Sunday at work but I am not unhappy to be hear. I am going to be earning money at a site that I mostly like. It is very easy to work and I am alone in a locked building. I do not think that I can ask for more than that as a simple pleasure. The only problem was that this weekend I had to work an odd shift, 1625-2300. My boss’ boss wanted to avoid the overtime so he had the part-timer work a little more. I got screwed out of extra money. This made me a bit upset but I don’t really matter.

    The fact that my schedule is odd made transportation tough because of the bus schedule. In order to not risk being late and lose more money, I had to arrive almost two hours early and wait in the break room. At least I had my laptop to keep me busy and I could further research a home lab networking problem. As a result, I was able to solve the problem so when I get home, I can implement the solution at some point.

    But I have to work tomorrow morning from 0700-1100 so as soon as I get home, I am going to be in dead and drifting off to sleep. I really would like to have a couple of days off. I am tired and this is getting difficult. I did the math on the VGM driving opportunity and it does not look terrible, provided getting to and from the vehicle pickup site is not too expensive. This part will be a wait and see game.

    I am just too tired to continue to work on my book today. I am also thinking about my home lab. I really want to complete it so that it is up, running, and remotely accessible. I’d like to join mine with others’ labs to have fun and experiment.

  • Another Rough Night

    I could say that the dreams were very intense last night. I mean so intense that I had night sweats. This seems to be happening more and more frequently. I awoke drenched in the middle of night. Why am I getting worse and not better!? I was positively clammy all over. I have to go in to work earlier today to cover for the supervisor because he will be in to overtime. I don’t mind doing a 10 hour shift because I need the money. I still don’t really want to go in but times being what they are …

    On the positive side of things, I did manage to write close to 800 words of my book last night. I don’t know whether or not I am pleased with the result, but the entire point is to put words to paper and I achieved that. If I can write or research some more today, I would feel like I accomplished something. I just wish I didn’t feel so down in the dumps and worthless despite getting something accomplished. I know this is the depressed mind talking and not reality.

    Despite having a rough night dream-wise, I do seem to be rested and ready for the day. I bought a 2nd network card for my Dell OptiPlex so that I can press it into service on a Proxmox VE virtualized OPNsense router. I want to really get my home lab up 100%. The Verizon-provided CR1000A router is a shitty one. I want some more features and more exciting stuff. This is all going to help tremendously with my book.

  • A Rocky Start Today

    Today got off to a rocky start. I am very angry with DART, the Delaware Transit Corporation. They’re the people that provide busing and 2 buses were cancelled. So I ended up having to Uber into work and there goes 25% of today’s earnings. I am beyond angry but this is what happens when budget cuts strike and/or bus drivers call out of work: people get adversely impacted. I do not know how I am going to get ahead. I am literally drowning.

    In other news, I have my orientation with VGM so that I can begin driving for them on the Uber platform. Hopefully it will make financial sense. I’ll have to try it and see but I have strong doubts as it seems every other thing I try turns out not to be feasible.

    I did get a head start on building out my virtualization server. At long last, I am actually doing this! I am enjoying the challenges very much.

  • Rollercoaster of a Day

    Today has both been one of problem solving and another of new problems. Talk about real life whack-a-mole. One problem solved only to have another pop up. But at least I did get approved to drive through VGM which is good news. I have the orientation tomorrow.

    I’m very tired of having two steps backward for every one forward. It’s disheartening and demoralizing. It’s making me angry, short tempered, and depressed all in one. I feel snappy despite taking a restful nap. I feel a butt load of resentment.

    Oh well! This too shall pass as they say but I’m still waiting for it to pass. I’ll feel a good deal better if VGM works out because that could be a spring board to better opportunities. It could also be one giant fiasco. I cannot really predict and I won’t try. More information to come.

    I’m also pissed because I lost out on overtime from the security job. My boss yanked a shift from me. The money would have been welcome. I’m reminded again how I must look out for myself and my family because my employer sure as shit don’t care about me. Well, my manager does care. It’s just the fuckers above him that don’t.

    I think I’m just going to scream hash tags right now.